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      She has issues

     


I met my true love at work; she gave me the test that qualified me to get the job. I was in love with her from the moment I saw her! I am very shy when it comes to starting a conversation with a beautiful woman, so I let it go as something that would never be. Then she emailed me and asked me out after I'd been there 6 months! I readily agreed, naturally, but shyly.


We had similar pasts & hit it off from the start. Maybe her staying at my place, which is just down the alley from her place, was too fast too soon. After a couple of months, she said she "missed her house" and wanted to start staying at her house more. A couple of weeks ago I asked her why things were as they were: she was avoiding me and saying she could "only offer friendship" right now. I finally found out she is still in love with her ex-husband, who is remarried and she divorced over 4 years ago. She said she had "issues" she had to deal with.


When we were first together we talked, really talked about what was happening between us. I thought it was understood that things were great between us; guess I was wrong. She would drop everything for this man if he asked her to is what she told me. Now she won't even talk to me face-to-face about what's going on. I know it's selfish of me to ask her to not have the feelings she's having, but her not wanting to talk to me in person hurts so bad it's got me in such a state of mind that I can't think straight. She says she "is working on an email" for me. She also says she is in love with me and doesn't want to hurt me. I can understand that, but it hurts me so much that she can't talk to me in person. She says it's because she is dealing with so much she doesn't have the time. I feel that if she really truly loved me in the first place, she'd tell me where I stand with her. She says she can't make any promises to me right now and I understand that, but when I try to talk to her about how I feel, it seems she doesn't have the time for me.


I'm willing to wait for this woman, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life, and I've told her so, but I don't understand why she can't talk to me. I don't want to pressure her, but I feel that if she still has a love for me but doesn't want to lead me on and make promises to me she can't keep, why can't she sit down with me and tell me that to my face. If it's over, so be it, but am I to wait till it's "convenient" for her? Don't I mean enough to at least tell me that? I'd at least accept that, but the uncertainty is killing me.


I have "issues" I'm dealing with besides this and feel I deserve to at least to be "dumped" in person. I confronted her the other night, but was in such a state of rage, and a bit of drunkenness, that the one answer that she would not/could not, answer to my face is lost to me. I was seeing red so bad that all I remember is she wouldn't look me in the eye when I asked her that question. If I had it to do all over again, I would have sat there and continued trying to understand, but the idiot I am wouldn't let me. I wish I could take it all back, I am so in love with this woman my whole body and soul aches without her. How can I tell her this without looking like I don't care about her feelings and want her to be happy. Her sorrow is the last thing I want to see, she's seen enough of that in her life already. I want her to be happy; but I feel that I can provide that happiness. No, I know I can give her that happiness.


I wish I could go back in time and act a whole lot different than I did, I love this woman so much I'm crying while I'm writing this but I feel I've lost the one true love of my life.


Me

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