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      My heart goes on beating


This is my first time to send a story, I have read many here. I Wish I could say this was a Love story with a happy ending, but no it's not.

I was married for 23 years and then one day he walkied out. After he was gone I will say that I found out that the love had died many years before, but didn't face the music until he was out of my life and I relaized that he was more abusive than I wanted to admit. Then the story begins.

I met what I thought was the man of my dreams after my divorced. I will call him Warrior. I met Warrior in an unusual way. We talked on the CB (citizens band radio). The first time I heard his voice it sent shivers down my spine. We eventually met and if anyone believes in love at first sight, this was definately that time. I fell head over heels for this man. We talked and talked to the wee hours of the morning. I found out he had listened to me for over 2 months on the cb before he contacted me. He knew a lot about me and he was a dream come true. Our first date, well kind of a date. He bought me my favorite candy bar. I was impressed that he had remembered this about me. On my birthday I got yellow roses... another little piece of information he had gathered - that my favorite flowers were yellow roses. He baked me a cake and made me chinese for dinner. Needless to say I was in love and he was so romantic and so good looking and he was a hit with most of my family. My grandchildren loved him. Unfortunately 2 of my sons did not. There was a lot of problems there. I loved Warrior though and stayed with him. We had met on the 4th of July... on Sweetest day he proposed and gave me a beautiful ring. Then trouble happened and we broke up.

We were apart for a month. Then on February 10th 1997 we got back together. He again asked me to be his wife I said YES! I was thrilled. He wanted to make the date for Valentines day. We went through a whirlwind of getting our preparations ready and on Friday the 14th of 1997 we became husband and wife. All of our friends thought it was a Fairy Tale romance! Everyone was happy for us. The bliss didn't last long. My 2 sons were always causing turmoil. Warrior and I argued. I unfortunately would stick up for my children instead of my husband. Things got worse. I drank and when we drank together it was a disater. We had some wonderful times, along with the bad. Warrior a romantic at heart and did all the things any woman could dream of. Bubble baths ready for me when I got in from work, exquisite meals prepared with love. My lunches always ready when it was time to leave for work. cards, flowers, little love notes and all I had to do was mention I liked something and it was mine. The poetry was out of this world that he wrote to me. Why was I such an idiot!!!?

In 1998 we had the best Thanksgiving and Christmas that I had ever had in my entire life. Warrior made it so awesome I was in a beautiful place for weeks after. Then it happened in March of 1999. Things got out of control. I'm still not sure to this day what actually did happen, but Warrior left me. It did have alot to do with my boys being asses. Next thing I knew,I heard that Warrior had moved into my best friends house. I couldnt believe it. It was devastating, we had just celebrated out 2nd anniversay and it had been glorious. So in 1999 it was all over. In september of 99 he served me divorce papers. In 2000 on January 10th just before his birthday we went to court to let the Judge seal our fate, even though I protested with tears and hurt. No fault divorce laws don't care how much you love someone. Out in the parking lot of the courthouse we met up and talked. I was crying and Warrior wiped my tears away with his finger. I couldnt believe how gentle he was when we had just separated ourselves from one another. He also told me he would never marry again and he would love me forever, but he couldnt take the interference from my sons anymore. He finally walked away. I cried and prayed for months.

We talked for a while and then all communication dropped off. So here is the short of it. I run into him every now and then and we just met up again about 3 weeks ago at the post office. My heart was beating out of my chest.. I was shaking so hard I could hardly talk. I was drowning in his presence. Nothing has changed I love him more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. Im so crazy with this sometimes.

We have been divorced for 4 years. I am not over him. I cant date, I always compare. I dont know what to do. Thing is when I run into Warrior I can see the hurt in his eyes, the longing, the sadness... but above all I can see the love. I dont understand. My heart is breaking just thinking about this, but I dont know if we can correct it at all.

My daughter and one of my sons, think that someday we will be together that Warrior and I were destined to be together, but that some thing just went awry. My daughter and one son still care for him. My daughter loved him like a father, the 2 other sons still dont like him, but I dont care any more. I lost the love of my life because of my faithfulness to my children. They have someone, but I am alone and Warrior used to warn me of this, he would tell me, he would say to me "Fantasy" (my cb handle that he gave to me, "No-one cares but you and me. Dont fall for the things they say or do, for one day they will carry on and have families and you will be alone" He was right, they went on with their lives and me, well Im still alone and still loving Warrior and still feeling that my soul is still married to this man.

Anyway, this is a short version of the tragedy that befell me. I will always love him. White Warrior and Fantasy, Forever And A Day!........ That was his favorite quote for us.

Thank you for letting me share.

P.S. he still hasnt remarried! May sound stupid but that increases my hope... and Love.

Hope and Faith is all I have.... My Heart Goes On Beating.


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