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      It`s not going to be easy


The first day I met him, I had a feeling about him that I'd never felt for anyone else in my life.

I felt instantly comfortable and "at home" in his presence. From that point on, I knew I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, and he expressed the same feelings. Things were great for the first few months. He was absolutely the most understanding and patient person I'd ever met, and he brought out the best in me. I felt like anything I said or did would be alright with him, and I never needed to play any games or pretend to be anything I wasn't. Eventually, he showed less and less interest in pursuing a relationship with me. I'd make as much effort as I could, and he wouldn't reciprocate, so I'd pull away. The moment I pulled away, however, he deeply apologized and told me how much I meant to him, which I honestly believed, and still believe, was the truth. This situation happened a number of times, though, and eventually, I couldn't handle it anymore. I finally told him that I was tired of playing games and I wanted to move on. He seemed incredibly hurt and told me that if I gave him one more chance... just one, he promised things would be different. They were for about two weeks, and eventually he started to lose interest again. Only this time when I expressed my feelings, he seemed to care a little less than he had before. He seemed almost immune to the hurt looks on my face.

The sweet, patient, and understanding guy I had met a year before was suddenly cold and careless toward me. It almost seemed as if the change came overnight, but when it lasted for a while, I knew it wasn't going away. Eventually I told him how hurt I felt and that I needed to be able to get over him, so I wanted to end things between us... the little that we had left. The most hurtful part of all was probably his response to this. "Oh well," he said. I haven't heard from him since. At one point in time, I honestly thought that he could be the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was so good for me and helped me to turn all of my negative qualities into positive ones with his laidback, thoughtful personality. I don't know if I somehow turned him into someone else, a meaner, less caring person, but no matter what the cause was, it's not something I'll easily get over.

He was such an important part of my life for some time, and now without him here I can't help but to think about him constantly. I know that eventually I'll get over him and move on, hopefully to a healthier, more committed relationship, but it's not going to be easy.

Some day, despite the changes, I know he's going to make some woman very happy. I just wish it had been me.


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