I have a best friend. one whom women swoon over and one whom women fantasize about (he gets calls from women asking him to be with them!) because he's handsome, he's intelligent and I don't know what else.
This best friend of mine, some years ago, professed his love to me. but I didn't believe him for fear he wasn't serious with me. I wanted to put him to the test. I wanted him to prove his love to me. So I kept my silence, ignored him and never commented nor reacted on the affection and love he was talking about. I didn't mind the care he gives and shows. Little did I know that the test I was giving him was also driving him away.
Then suddenly, the time came for us to part ways, I have to work, he has to stay. At first all was well. He calls me regularly, sends me letters. But I wanted him to do something more. Deep inside me I was frustrated. I wanted him to go at least once in a while where I'm working. For me that's a sign of love. Until one day, he wrote to say he won't and can't be the same anymore. He said goodbye, but promised to keep me in prayer. I was hurt and devastated, because I love him and I don't want to lose him. I feared a life without him. But there's nothing I can do. My best friend serves with a youth group... he didn't tell me that his leader asked him to stop communicating with me, to stop seeing me even. Still, we tried to communicate, though it was a very rare thing. Only after did I find out some things. only later when it was too late. Only later too that I learned he was angry with me, because I never allowed him to get close to my heart.
Well, it's too late because he got someone pregnant. Someone he doesn't love. A child out of his depression and stress in life-work, business, service, post-graduate studies and business problems, all at the same time. The news took away all the strength my body, mind and heart, though before I knew it, I had settled for nothing more than friendship. I said, if friendship is all that's left it's okay, so long as I have him around. I promised him then, that when he needs me, he just has to knock at my door, and I'll be around, but why can't I help him now? Why do I just want to run and hide? because it hurts a lot to lose the man you love to someone who loves him, yet he doesn't love them.
He asked me if I would love him if he had to marry the woman. I had no answer, for it is already too impossible for us to be together. It will be a miracle. The hurt was deep and there is a woman and there is the child. I left the decision to him.
Years have passed.
My best friend did not marry the woman. He claims a child is not the sole basis of marriage but should be love. Marriage is not the same as wedding. And so, my best friend and I are still best friends, we decided to patch things up together. Only now, are we coming to realize our shortcomings as friends and as lover-of-the-other. We are a lot more open now. We can communicate well, a lot more transparent, a lot more mature in many ways. No, we are not into a relationship nor are we going steady, but we are sure that our friendship will last a lifetime. I have forgiven him for what has happened. I also hope that he may learn from what happened.
Ours is a decision to be there for each other in every way we can, and we will still discover what lies ahead. If there is such a future.