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      I don`t want to wake up


Next time I fall asleep, I don't want to awake. The pain is consuming me. My mind is descending to darkness. Worst of all, no one understands, or seems to care, And he hates me.

I met him a few years ago. He was the younger brother of my older brother's friend. We are the same age.
When I met him, I didn't think too much about him. I only saw him as another face that I would pass in the hallways and stop to have a quick word to if I saw him at the shops. How wrong I was.

Something really bad happened to him and my best friend. They were accused of a terrible crime, which they did not commit. I believed them and was one of the only people who stood by them without fail.
I hadn't seen him in a while after he was expelled for the crime. But my best friend told him my email address and we started talking again. After a few days, it was a Saturday, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I accepted knowing that I truly liked him, even though we didn't know each other very well. We were together for a week. He was supposed to come to my house to meet my parents on the Friday. He never showed up. I hadn't seen him for 5 months so I was disappointed, but I forgave him straight away. The following Thursday, he asked me to go on a break because he didn't want me to get caught up in the court proceedings. We were on a break for 2 weeks, and I had no idea what was going on. He didn't say one word to me the entire time. I got really confused and nervous. Everyone was spreading rumours about me and I couldn't take it any longer, though I really loved him, I had to let him go.

The moment after I broke up with him, I regretted it. But that didn't stop me from making another huge mistake. I went out with my best friend's cousin for nearly 3 weeks, when I broke up with him because I still loved my ex-boyfriend. I told my ex that I still loved him and I was sorry I had broken his heart. Not only had a I broken his heart, but I had broken my own. I loved him and I had let him go.

A few months later, I went to a local fair. I saw him for the first time in 9 months. We walked around together and laughed about things. We ended up kissing. By the end of the day I thought maybe there was a chance for us again. I loved him even more now.

A few weeks later he told one of my friends he liked me, but he was afraid I'd break his heart again. Then I had a fight with his brother. Next thing I knew he was telling me to my face that he hated me. The following couple of nights, he verbally abused me. I was so shocked and heart broken. I had been one of the very few people that had stood by him no matter what. Now he had turned his back on me.

I still love him and I want him back. He abuses me and it scares me. But I still love him. I know he hates me and that is the worst pain I have ever experienced. Thats why next time I go to sleep, I don't want to awake.


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