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      Walked away

     



It is difficult to recall the exact details of how I met Alex. All that I can remember is I had finished graduate school and was just in a new job with the opportunity of meeting new people. I met a few male employees including Alex, who appeared too young for my admiration. Besides I was married and was not in search of a partner. Flirting and dating guys were activities of the past for me.


However, Alex kept visiting and calling me occasionally on my private line at work. At first I found him entertaining as he had a sense of humour and was great on telling stories. As the days dragged on slowly and imperceptibly Alex started to become dear to me. One day he invited me to lunch and sensing no danger I gladly accepted. We really had fun that day, as I found him so exciting and adventurous. In fact he had all the qualities that were lacking in my husband. It was really no surprise that I found myself anxiously awaiting seeing him every day.


The first time Alex held me in his arms and kissed me is a day that will remain in my thoughts forever. I felt like my entire being was on fire as the attraction was so intense. We continued seeing each other for a while until we could not hold back anything anymore. We have explored each other in every way. Sadly, we have to face the grim reality that we have met at the wrong time. Alex has his commitments with his partner, such is also my dilemma.


I have watched Alex several times struggling to stay away from me. I know deep inside he wants to be good but keeps following his heart. I have felt the pain of knowing true love and the contemplation of enacting its termination. I have finally taken the decision to walk away.


I couldn't look Alex in his face to say goodbye. I had to mail him my decision. When he called me to say how badly he had missed me, I had to tell him to check his mail. The last time we spoke he said if it's bad news he'll disregard the mail. I'm strongly doubtful of his response. I think he read my mail. I sense he won't leave until I'm bold enough to look at him and tell him to go.


Today I'm still hurting as I have not found a solution. I have no regrets as for once in my life I've felt the fire of being passionately in love.

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