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      My Life, my love, my hope

     



I met him 7 months ago in the internet. We lived in the same country and it made it possible to meet in the real life. I liked him instantly and he seemed to enjoy talking to me. I was feeling so lonely that time. I had been in a long-term relationship with a man and was a bit depressed. Now I understand with clearness that I actually didn’t realise how depressed I had been. I don’t know why but from the first moment he wrote to me and I replied there was something spectacular in the whole situation and I knew that this relationship (if there could ever be a relationship) was going to be something special.


Technically I was not ready for a new serious relationship, but now thinking about our first date and our first kiss I presume it was something I was longing for and it was something that helped to lift all my suffering and regrets over and in some way to start a new life. I am grateful that this night on the internet gave a start to something more wonderful and beautiful than I could ever dreamed of.


We met the other day and began dating regularly. Sometimes he was meeting me after work and we went to the seashore and in the evenings we usually went to a pub. We spent a lot of time together and every minute spent with him was heaven for me. It was something special that had never happened to me before. I did care a lot about him, almost every minute I was thinking about him, no matter where I was and what I was doing – he was the one that I was thinking and longing to see all the time. In the mornings when I woke up I immediately switched my computer on to see whether there were any messages from him and I was so happy when I did get some. I was smiling every time I was opening my e-mail box and had anything from him. No matter what it was: a letter, a little message or a greeting – my heart was filling with joy and happiness. I knew there was a person who cared about me and I did care about him a lot.


I went to England on the 22nd of June. Every morning, every day and every evening I went on the internet, switched on the programme we were talking in. I was happy when he was around and sad when he was not Online. But at the same time I missed him so much that I was crying nearly every evening. He became everything to me: my friend, my lover, the only one whom I love so much. I was calling him every time I could and tried to talk to him for as long as I could. I was writing letters to him and sending him greetings to his e-mail. I wanted to make him happy, as happy as he made me. I tried to make him smile with all those little things I was doing. I knew that it was so little I could do, but I made the best of myself. I was so delighted when I received anything from him and I was hoping he was feeling the same way when he got something from me.


I wish I could be with him. I wish I could spend my days and share nights with him. I wish we were together. I wish... There are a lot of things that I wish and I am about to make all my wishes come true. And I definitely will. But only with his help. I have never experienced something like that in my whole life before. I have never loved so deeply and passionately before. He is the most important person in my life. He means the world to me. Now when I am far away from him I feel so empty and lonely, but I know that in some time I will be with him again and hopefully nothing could make us apart. He was here to visit me for ten days in the beginning of August. Those 10 days were the happiest days in my life. He was near me, kissing and hugging me. I was grateful and delighted to see him again, after almost 2 months of being apart. He was so gentle and so sweet. On the first night he proposed to me and gave me two rings: engagement and wedding rings. He also had another wedding ring for him. We are apart now as he left England a week ago, but those rings that we are wearing make us close. I often recollect the moment when he gave me a ring and I cry.


I miss him so much now. The fact that I am wearing a ring makes me feel so close to him and I hope he shares those feelings. I want to spend my life with this person. I feel a deep and passionate love for him that I cannot imagine my life without him. He is different from me, but at the same time we are so similar occasionally that I can see myself in him. We both are high-tempered, straightforward and there's hardly anything that would stop us from achieving something that we strive for. Sometimes we argue as we have different opinions about things. I know that within a time we would be able to find a compromise, but now as we are young and passionate it makes it difficult. I am not an easy-going person, neither is he. I suppose that makes our lives vivid and colourful. I feel so alive with him, and when I am with him I feel beautiful – that is a very important thing. When you are happy – you are beautiful. He makes me smile and laugh. I adore him for making me so happy. And I know that our little differences make us more close.


I love him for having a different personality and I definitely respect him for having his own opinion and his own point of view, which may be different from mine. We are planning to get married as soon as I am back home. I am very delighted about that. I have found happiness with that person and I know he is happy with me. I love you with all my heart, my sweet.

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