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      One can only take so much

     



I was with him for well over 1 year. Just a few weeks earlier he told me that he didn't think he could live without me, but suddenly he started acting distant. I asked him if there was something wrong, if it was something about "us" and he said no, if there was something wrong he would tell me.


New years eve came, I spent the night with him, it was my first New Years without my family, and he was so cold towards me. I cried myself to sleep that night. Then a few days later we went out, he didn't even want to hold my hand. He was trying to provoke a fight with me, but I stayed quiet. That night I again cried myself to sleep. I had bad dreams of him wanting to break up with me, so when I spoke to him the next morning His response was, "Funny you should mention that". That same night, he broke up with me, over the phone. He said that he loved me, but never was "in love" with me and even though at times he thought he was, he never actually was.


For the next year we continued to see each other, I was too weak to tell him 'No' and I hoped that we'd get back together somehow. We finally did, but problems began again quickly, he had a new friend who hated me, he wanted my boyfriend to be the 'player' with him, he resented me for being in his life, even if I was there first.


I went to Europe for 3 weeks, and while there he left to work overseas, we didn't see each other for 4 months, and I didn't even get to say a proper good-bye because he left with short notice, when he got back I thought that he'd surely want to spend some time with me. I was SO wrong, he told me that he sees me in his future, but wasn't sure in what way, he said that talking to me for even just 5 minutes a day would be too much and that seeing me even just once a week would make him feel smothered, but he said he didn't want to break up because he still loves me. He also said he'd be working somewhere with his best friend but couldn't tell me what he would be doing. He said that all this would just be temporary, but he didn't know for how long exactly. I was in disbelief. Before he left he sent me a letter of 50 reasons why he loved me, telling me that I am the most loving, passionate and nicest person he has ever known, he said that I was the best thing to ever happen to him. I actually thought that I could handle this, but after just 3 days I realized there would be no way I would stay in a relationship with him. I called him over to my house and through tears (I still did love him somehow) I told him it just wouldn't work out. A few weeks later he told me that he was planning to buy me an engagement ring, but he gambled the money instead!I mean, WHO SAYS THAT? I've forgiven him though, but I doubt he has, I saw him not too long ago. He was with his new girlfriend, and when he saw me he purposely kissed her so that I would see. That's when I finally realized, I really am too good for him.

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