Where do you begin for a lifetime of feelings? Perhaps I should start by saying how much I love this girl. Many of us know that feeling. The one where their presence makes the day a little brighter, the sky a little clearer, and the mood a little better. She's your best friend, your closest confidant, your greatest support, and your most intimate lover. And there's something more... it's that... that connection you two have. The one that no one else understands. The something you never have with another love. The one you never feel. Not with any friend, family member, nobody. Some people call it "soul mates". Whatever you want to call it, you know it when you feel it. So where is this heartache? It's here, because she's not here with me. You see, I had broken up with her over 3 years ago. By the time I realized how grave of a mistake I had made, it was too late. She was with someone else? We tried to stay friends, but I couldn't at that point. My pain was too deep and the mask was too heavy to wear. So I told her, almost one year after we broke up, that I couldn't stay friends. I believed that I had to force myself to get over her. I did everything one could do. I stayed away from her, stopped talking about her, boxed all the items that were of us, or things that reminded me of her, spent time with my friends, and prayed to God asking for support during the hard time. I thought I had moved on. I had met someone else, a really special girl. But there was something still inside, something that wouldn't let go. I figured it was my pain for her. I thought I just needed more time. But it never went away. So then I tried to accept it. Tried to realize that it's that "one love" that you never get over, but that you move on from.
Fast-forward 2 years and some odd months later. I'm single now and I ran into that special girl. She was with someone else. Once again, we tried to be friends. I didn't tell her how I felt. I felt that if things would happen then she would leave her guy knowing that he wasn't the one. I have come to accept that we may never be lovers again. I just want her to be happy. And if it's with him, then so be it. Then, today, we talked. She mentioned to me that he really feels uncomfortable about the two of us talking, so I accepted it.
I have to support her in whatever decision she makes. She's doing the right thing by putting her relationship first. She cried while telling me this, as she also feels that connection between us. So now I must deal with it. And perhaps... perhaps one we will meet again.
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