I was divorced the second time at the age of 34. I was devastated when I discovered after a short marriage that he had been cheating on me. I finally met someone after my divorce about a year later. He was an older man and in the beginning I wasn't physically attracted to him but I fell deeply in love. The only thing is that he kept seeing his ex-girlfriend during our relationship and it was back and forth almost the whole time.
His ex had been addicted to drugs and was an alcoholic all of her life and this devastated me, I couldn't imagine why a man would keep going back to someone like her.
I was attractive and younger and a good mother and a good provider. He told me he loved both of us and I finally ended the relationship only for him to come back begging me to give him another chance. So, I did. I got pregnant and we decided to marry. I made him tell me that he didn't love his ex and if he did to please not marry me and he promised me he did not love her. He had saved several cards and love letters and simple things that most people wouldn't save of hers and I asked him to get rid of all of it and he said he did.
After I had the baby he began treating me with disrespect, he would go out with clients and stay out late at night. He was gambling and other things that I told him I couldn't deal with. I also found the cards and letters from his ex last year, 2 years after we were married. He had saved them and hid them all this time. I confronted him and my heart was aching so much that he could do this to me. Well, he hit me a few times during our marriage, so I had enough one night and I called the cops and filed a report to scare him.
I left for a week and he called crying and promised to go get help, so I gave him until that following Christmas. Before we could even try, my ex husband took me to court for custody for my little boy, saying that I was in a domestic violence relationship and he wanted my child. I told my husband to move out and I would wait on him to go through his anger management counseling and all the other things he had to do to come back home.
Well, he never attempted to take any of these steps so I filed for divorce. By the time my court date came, 8 months later I had to get my life together to keep my little boy. I had to divorce, move out of my beautiful home and go to work and provide a home for 3 children and I did just that. I hired an attorney to fight for my custody, I divorced my husband, I bought a house and went to work full time and did all this before my court date in only a 3 month time frame.
I won my custody case and my ex was angry so he appealed it. I had court again 2 weeks ago and I won it again and during the last trial the judge said to me, If you want to reconcile with this man that was violent to you by all means go ahead but he needs to show me proof of anger management and counselling before you have him back in the home. I came home and called him and asked him to come over and I told him what the judge said, he seemed thrilled that he had a chance to get his family back. He was good in all other aspects of life. He was a wonderful provider and was a great man most of the time but had problems controlling anger. I have not been with him or another man through this entire ordeal of 9 months and this made me feel good that I waited. On the other hand he had been with other people and I knew I would have to cope with that if we reconciled. I made dinner that night and I even made his favourite, home-made grape ice-cream. I talked with him and asked him was he glad that we could have another chance to get our family back together but he didn't act right. I felt something was wrong with him all the sudden. He left and told me he would talk to me the next day but he never called.
I went to his apartment the next day and discovered he had been seeing the ex again. I wanted to die. I looked at him and said did you not love me all this time and really loved her or did you fall in love with her since yesterday. He said he couldn't go to counselling and all that stuff, it was just too much for him. I asked him did he think he could have told me this yesterday. He said he was sorry but he was seeing someone else. His ex is a cocaine and pill addict and she is even worse now than before.
How am I supposed to protect my child from her? Why would he choose her over me? I am a good person and have a lot going for myself, I don't understand. I know I need to move on, but I loved him so much. He is 48 and I am 39 and I know if he hasn't changed by this age, he never will. I feel like he never loved me but he did and still loves her.
He acts like he doesn't know me and he is short with me and when he talks to me he is harsh. I know I deserve better but I have a child with him and am tired of starting over.