I write this hoping it will be good therapy for me.
Eighteen months ago I was swept away by a lady I hardly knew. At age 38 I instantly felt I had found my soul mate. Somehow I found the courage to walk into her office one day. She probably assumed that I was just another customer. I have forgotten exactly what I said to her because she is an angel, and as the song says, "how do you talk to an angel?" But I did get the message across that I was very interested in her. Since I was a total stranger, I expected she would swiftly ask me to leave her office. But she was quite polite and accommodating. She told me she was going through a divorce and was still sorting out issues between her heart and her head. I thought I saw a light in her eyes, felt sure she liked me. I left her office with a warm feeling in my heart.
The very next day I called her. Again she was nice, I asked her out on a date, she gracefully declined... but I felt she left the door open. So I continued my quest as best I could via telephone and mail because I shared my time between two geographical locations. The last time I spoke with her on the phone she told me to be sure to call her on my next visit. Three weeks later I did, this time she was not as friendly. She said that she had other commitments and that I should not "take it personally". I wanted to ask 'why', but I felt I had no right to. I sometimes wonder if I tried hard enough, but I tell myself she must know that my overtures were sincere and real.
I figured the ball was left in her court and that one day she would make contact. That has not happened. I've been dying inside a little bit each day since then. I have tried to put her out of my head, but she still lingers. Occasionally, I still have to go by her work place on business, but I have no contact with her, I avoid her as best I can.
I wonder though, how is it possible to fall so hard for a stranger? It's not fair. It makes no sense at all. This is my story. I die little bit every day.