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      Misled for too long

     



I met my boyfriend when I was 21 and he was 18. The moment I saw him I knew heíd be mine. When we first started to date, he already had a girlfriend unbeknownst to me. He finally told me about her, but quickly broke it off with her in order to be with me. After about 6 months, he cheated on me with her. I fought the girl and I really let her have it. I was hurt but I forgave him but couldnít forget, so I broke it off with him about 5 months later. I had found someone else for a little while, but then got back with my boyfriend.


We were really in love; we spent every waking moment together. His mother didnít like me for fighting his ex-girlfriend, and for some reason my father didnít like him. Therefore, we could never go to either home, we would make love in the park or a motel just to be with each other. This went on for some time.


We finally rented a small studio together, we were so happy there in our new love nest. But for some reason I started to get bored with him and started hanging out with friends on a regular basis, sometimes spending the night out. We started to fight all the time. He eventually lost his job and we had to move out. We still stayed together for about 2 years. I cheated on him with someone I didnít really care about, but my boyfriend found out and broke up with me.


About 2 months later, he went to jail for something petty. I went to visit him and he told me he still loved me and I told him the same. When he came home he went to live with his mother and I came with him. A few months later I became pregnant with our son. He treated me really bad while I was pregnant(or maybe I was just overly sensitive because of my hormones).


We moved out of his mothers house and got a one bedroom apartment. We were doing just fine until my son was about 4 and a half. He started spending the night out consecutively. When I asked him if he was cheating on me he said that he wasnít. Of course, I didnít believe him. Then eventually he told me that he had met a woman. He said that he loved me but was not ďin loveĒ with me and didnít want to be with me anymore because he just could not get over me cheating on him in the past. He said he tried to love me because we had a son together but that he was no longer in love with me. My heart was aching so badly. If it were not for my son, I probably would have committed suicide.


I can understand some one breaking up with you because you cheated on them. But what makes this so bad is that he waited over 4 years to tell me he felt this way. At this point we have been together for over ten years.


Personally, I donít think thatís why he broke up with me. I think he broke up with me to be with this other woman. (She has a really good job, a house, and a really cool car). As for me Iím only a homemaker. Maybe I just wasnít ambitious enough.


He still comes home to take a shower and change his clothes. But he is constantly with her. I tried kicking him out but he wonít leave completely or at least give me the keys to our apartment. So Iím here suffering knowing he is with this woman and I canít leave until I find a job that pays enough to pay for my rent, bills and my son.


How can the pain ever go away until one of us leaves completely?

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