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      Too hard without him

     



I don't really know what to write, I'm not sure if I can put into words how I'm feeling because it's like nothing I've ever felt before. I just know that I need to get it down in writing to try to sort out this mess. Maybe I'll feel a little better if I write it down for you to see, a problem shared is a problem halved or so they say, well we'll see.


I met him last year. I was with someone at the time but when I met him I realised I had never truly felt happiness until that moment. I knew I would love this person forever. Now I was one of the most cynical people you could meet and never believed in soulmates and love at first sight. I know now that cynical people are the ones who have not yet experienced it. when we kissed it felt like I was whole somehow, like I had found the other half of me. The part of me that had always felt empty was now full. He felt the same I know he did, I could see it in his eyes, feel it every time he touched me. Then one day everything changed. He became a stranger. This person who made me complete I now knew about as much as someone whom I would pass on the street. He ended the relationship with no explanations just goodbye. I begged him to explain, I told him how much I loved him. He just wouldn't listen, it was like he was looking through me, like he was putting up walls so he couldn't let me in. I didn't know him anymore. He got with someone else 2 days later and made sure I knew. Yet his sister tells me he talks about me everyday. I don't understand. It's been 4 months now and I haven't so much as looked at anyone else, I can't. If I look at someone else all I see is him. He is the one thing I think about constantly everyday. I've become a mess, I don't see my friends, I don't go out. I just play our song and look at pictures of the only time I have been happy. I can't let myself believe he doesn't love me anymore. I live in this constant dream that he'll come back to me. I make up stories that he has come back and that he loves me. I'm scared because I'm a mess, I'm falling apart and I can't pick myself up, it's too hard without him, nothing matters anymore. I miss him so much. I just don't know how to get through this.

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