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      I had to say goodbye


Life was going great up until I found out I had to move to upstate new York. I had only ever had one real relationship in my life and I was really young but I gave this guy my all. It took me two years to get over him, he was my first love. Time went on and I dated on and off and when I finally met someone who I really cared about I had to leave.

His name was Justin and we were close friends and we still are. Justin was my biggest strength when I was going through a difficult time in my life. My close friend John was in a terrible car crash which left him in a coma for over a month. Justin was there for me all the way. We were together all of the time. We had a close friendship before anything else. Our feelings grew stronger as time went on and we had discussed getting into a relationship with each other. Exactly one week after our discussion I found out that I would be moving at the end of the month. I had told Justin about it and it made him hesitant to get involved with me. He had told me that he didn't want to get hurt but we continued to still have feelings for each other. Spending each day with each other the time flew by and it was time for me to leave. I left that day with an empty heart. The whole time I was in New York I thought of him and what could be if I were back at home. I stayed there for about six months and I was unhappy every second. I finally decided to move back home not only for Justin but for myself.

As soon as I saw Justin I was so happy and he was very surprised to see me because I didn't tell him I was coming home. We talked and talked and I found out that he had a girlfriend. He was really happy and as much as I wanted to be with him I new I couldn't. There were feelings still there between us but I wanted his relationship to work out. Exactly one month after my heartbreak I ran into an old friend named Andy who I hadn't seen in five years, actually my freshman year in high school. We talked for a while and he asked for my number. All night I couldn't stop thinking about him and I was hoping he would call the next day. Of course he didn't call but the next day he did. I was so excited. I went to his house after I got off the phone with him and we talked about the memories we had of one another what we did over the past five years and past relationships. Before I knew it, it was time for me to go. He called me again and we set up another date. I was finally over Justin and I had very strong feelings for Andy. We both gave into our feelings that night and though we shouldn't have it just felt right. I felt wanted, safe and loved and I had wanted that feeling for so long. It was time for me to go home again we said goodbye to one another and I said I would call him later. When I got home I checked my messages and I was amazed at what I heard. When I was in New York I had applied for a job as a tour guide they said they had no openings at the time and I wound up forgetting about it. Well they didn't forget about me because they had an opening and wanted me to start as soon as possible. I thought and thought about it and I remembered what my mom always said - you should never base life decisions on whether a relationship with a guy is going to work out.

I took the job and just left without even telling Andy goodbye in person because I know if I had have said goodbye in person I would have stayed. We had an amazing time together and I want to be with him more than anything but I can't pass this opportunity up. I always say that every time I get attached to someone I always end up leaving. Andy came in my life for a reason as did Justin. If Andy and I are supposed to be together then it will happen, just like this job in the thousand islands is happening for a reason.

Maybe I'll meet the man I going to spend the rest of my life with and if I do I just hope I don't have to leave him too.



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