I met the love of my life, Jake, at a baseball game in August of 2000. I was introduced to him by a friend, and we instantly hit it off and became friends over the next few months. We were both in unhappy marriages, and decided we would separate from our spouses, and help each other through the divorces. Both of us had agreements from our spouses that the marriages were in fact over, and so we figured we would go ahead and proceed with our relationship in the process.
Well, things were like heaven for us. I had never been so happy in my life and neither had he, and after only a couple of months, we fell deeply in love. We travelled all over the state of Georgia together playing different golf courses, we travelled to Biloxi for wonderful weekends & would drive to Atlanta out of the blue just to eat at nice fancy restaurants. We loved, laughed, joked, played, teased, and genuinely enjoyed each others company. Everyone that knew us, said we were both happier than they had ever seen. I remember thinking, how had I ever been happy in my life, without him? Some of our happiest times were lying on the couch together in our pyjamas, watching the sports channel. We had so many common interests, and rarely disagreed on anything. I was so turned on by him and his intelligence. It seemed that he knew everything about everything, and that definitely made a good impression on me. We would never get lost going anywhere, because he knew exactly where we were going at all times. I felt so safe with him. We shared so many wonderful places together, and memories, and he even taught me how to dance. We would ride together in the car singing to our favourite songs by Otis Redding, Percy Sledge, or Dolly Parton. Our song was "I Will Always Love You".
My divorce eventually got on the way, and was final September 2002, and his was just in the process of being worked through, since much more was involved in his. I don't know exactly where or when, but somewhere along the way I started feeling resentful that his divorce had not yet been filed, and it started causing problems in January 2003. Deep inside I was so hurt that I was still loving someone else's husband, that I just didn't know how to deal with it anymore. The more time that went on, the harder it got. In February, after spending a beautiful Sunday afternoon together at a family party, I told him that I didn't think we should see each other anymore. We had been having some problems, and it just seemed like the thing to do. He didn't fight it, or argue about it. He simply asked me for a hug and then said goodbye. I knew that his divorce was in fact going to be filed in the next few weeks, so I patiently waited for it to finalize, just knowing that when it had, he would call me.
That was 2 1/2 months ago, and I haven't seen him since the day we said goodbye, and I have only talked to him once. After writing two letters to him, leaving a message with his secretary, and my Mom calling him, he has yet to call me. I can't get up the nerve now to call him, for fear of what he will say to me. I lived my life from the day we separated, like we were still together, and I was just simply waiting on him to come back home. We live 2 1/2 hours away from each other, so it is not like we would/could run into each other anywhere. Now it is like it has hit me, that he is not coming back, and we will never be together again. I will never hear the wonderful sound of his voice, never smell his scent again, never look into his beautiful blue eyes, and never feel his lips against mine again. Everything I do and see, and songs I hear remind me of him.
Everyone says I need to move on because I can do better, (he is a little older than me), but it is not that easy. I can't find anyone that compares to him. He was perfect. I realize that now. He was my life, and loved me like I had never been loved before. He showed me what true happiness was, but how could he love me so much one day, and not ever want to see or talk to me again, the next? I have apologized and asked for a second chance in my letter, all to no avail. I feel like I have lost him forever.
To make matters worse, I met a great guy who is interested in me, and all I can do is cry in his arms about how I lost Jake, the man that put a smile on my face. I am scared that I am going to miss out on another great love opportunity, because I can't get over Jake, yet he is probably living it up with someone new already. Our saying was "Never Miss A Genuine Opportunity", so now I am relaying to anyone out there who will listen, that if you TRULY love someone, DON'T let them go, hold onto them with everything you have. If I had done that, I might not be crying my eyes out every night, and waking up with my arms wrapped around a pillow, having dreamt it was my "Baby Jake".
Jake, I love you more than anything in this world. I would rather live with you in your world, than without you in mine.
All my love, Julie