When I was really young I went through a long life changing experience. After what happened I put myself in relationships I didn't need to be in.
One guy right after another beating and yelling. When you hear so many bad things being yelled at you after a while you start to believe them. There were a good deal of those great guys but I messed up those relationships by not really opening up to them.
I couldn't look at a man without seeing pain. So I made my appearance horrible, I looked like a wretch, I grew my hair long so I could hide my face, I wore big baggy clothes to hide my curves and small frame. These things also hid my bruises and my cuts. I would think I had over a 100 of those bad butt b/fs, the kinds that lasted as long as a week or two at the most. I finally grew out of hiding by clothes and long hair. In middle school I started wearing cute clothes and I finally got my hair cut cutely at the length of my shoulders. Funny thing was when I looked in the mirror I was never pretty enough, I always saw that hiding girl from the past. Even though I didn't hide my body as much I hid my heart. In high school I fell in love with this guy who I called 'boo' (for many funny reasons) we were known as the cute luvy dovey couple that would last forever.
We probably would have if he wasn't a liar and I wasn't in hiding. I did put all my love I contained on him though and after 3 or 4 months he said he didn't love me anymore and I said fine whatever.
I couldn't have hated him more, he gave up on me, he let go just like everyone else. He is now a drop out. He was letting go of everything all along and maybe I could have convinced him otherwise but I didn't. I think I will always in a way be hiding and now I am dating those bad boys again.
What is wrong with me? what am I to do?
If you are reading this then please don't turn out like me. I must depart now bye till another entry.