Will this feeling ever go away? I have been in love with the same person for four years now, four years since the day he opened the door to his house, four years since the moment my heart flew out of my chest and never came back.
Earlier today I saw him after not seeing him for almost 2 years, and at the time I thought I was fine, after all I knew he was back from overseas a week ago and I had been preparing myself for the moment I would see him again, but now I'm not too sure.
Back then, my life was such a mess that the only thing that had ever made sense was him, knowing him and being part of his life had been the only times I had ever truly allowed myself to be me... the real me. Sam has so much charm and energy its contagious, I wish I could be like him, I have never envied another human being so much.
Things happened... it was nobody's fault, but things went horribly wrong between us, games, misunderstandings, break of trust, back stabbing, lies... our friendship did not survive, as desperately as I wanted it to, we pushed each other away. I can still feel the pain sometimes, and the sheer emptiness I felt when I lost him, the only good thing I had in my life was gone.
Now, 2 years later, he's back in the country and back in my life, mainly because we have friends in common, but in the back of my mind I still want to believe that destiny in throwing us back together...when will I stop kidding myself????