I was young, a mere 16 years old when I met her.
I had recently decided to leave high school after my 3rd year and get a GED so I could go to college. My dad encouraged me to take an SAT class so I could have a decent SAT score which I had yet to take... and that's where I met her.
She sat down in the seat next to me and after a few minutes looked over at me and passed me a note reading, "has anyone ever told you that you look like silent bob?" Silent Bob was a character from her favourite series of movies that I somewhat resemble.
From this we started to speak to each other and I quickly realised that even though I barely knew her, I already liked her and wished to "go out" with her.
We dated, as much as 16 year olds can do, and spent hours kissing and lying around with each other.
Then, because of my parents we broke up for a few months.
After several months of being apart, we started spending time with each other, and it was then I started to fall completely in love with her. She was dating someone else, so it took some time to work up the courage to tell her, but once I did, it felt good. And after a month or so, she told me she loved me. It felt amazing!
She started to begin an affair with me, cheating on her boyfriend of the time, but I didn't care. I was so happy and complete with her in my life. At the end of that summer, she dumped her boyfriend and agreed to become my official girlfriend.
We started spending all of our time with each other, and became completely physically intimate with one another. For the two years that we were together, every day, when I woke up, my first thought was of her, and when I fell asleep at night, my last thoughts were of her. She was a bigger part of my life then anything else. I was ready to marry her when we were both old enough, and I would have done anything for her....
....and then, she went away to college.
At first it wasn't terrible, we would talk on the phone every day, and still express our love as many times as we could in each conversation. I went down to visit her one weekend and I felt the absence even more when I left to come back home.
In October, the week before my birthday she went to visit some old friends in upstate New York. After her return, I was speaking to her on the phone about her trip, and somehow, jokingly in the conversation I asked if she had cheated on me while she was up there.
Little did I know that she would answer 'promise you wont get mad but....'
I was devastated. My stomach felt like it had been ripped out, and I felt my face getting hot as I started to cry. My feelings were all over the place as I screamed out to her, 'why?'
She tried to convince me that it would be better for us if we dated other people while we were away from each other, and when we were closer together to 'pick up where we left off'. I didn't understand how she couldn't see the way she had hurt me.
My life was destroyed. From that point until now I cannot say that I have been truly happy. I have hooked up with several women, and had another steady girlfriend since that time, but we broke up because I had no love in my heart to give. I had given my first girlfriend everything that I had, my heart, my money, and my soul, and she left me with nothing!
Every once in a while I see or hear something that reminds me of the way it used to be with her, my sweetheart... But nothing will ever be the same. I know that if I truly wanted to I could resume the relationship with her, but it wouldn't mean anything anymore, and it would play havoc with my emotions, and with my heart. I refuse to put myself through that again.
I have been single for the past few months, and it never gets any easier. I've spent my time pouring myself into my work and spending time with my true friends. Every day I wonder what things could have been if she could have stayed loyal to me, and then I curl up in my bed, alone, and I feel the tears coming, but they don't come out. It's hard for me to show any emotion towards anyone except for anger, cynicism, and disgust.
But through it all, I've come to accept that I will always love her, and that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I love you Blake, but I hope you rot in hell for what you did to me.