I met "Steve" through my husband. He had his own business and Steve had called to get some work done. My husband struck up a small friendship with him and joked with me that Steve was obviously gay. I had not met Steve yet but was intrigued because I had never known a gay man before.
One day when I was at work, a car pulled up and the most gorgeous man I had ever seen got out. He asked if I was Mike's wife and I said that I was. As soon as I saw him, my heart leapt out of my chest and I couldn't catch my breath. I knew from the start that I was going to love this man. We struck up a friendship that led to long hours on the phone, chatting online, and hanging out in person.
Steve had a boyfriend but they didn't get along at all. I always wondered (and still do) why they are still together. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger everyday. My husband was jealous at first but got over it. We were the best of friends. We would finish each other's sentences, could read each other's minds. We were soul mates. We were inseparable.
I told one of my good friends what I was feeling for Steve. I was embarrassed to be in love with a gay man but I just had to tell someone. I would analyse everything he said to me and report back to my friend just to be able to get it out. It was a little while later that the games started. One night on the phone, he told me that he had slept with one of his female friends. I was devastated. I wanted so much to cry but couldn't let him hear how it affected me. The next night I told him that I had slept with one of our mutual friends, also gay. I don't know why I did that, I supposed in my own way it was getting back at him. I had told him while we were chatting online and he didn't take it very well at all. He told me that he couldn't believe I would do something like that, that he was crying, and that he never wanted to talk to me again. I asked him why the heck he had such a problem with it and he said, "Do you really want to know the truth?" I said, "Of course I do" What he typed next would change my life forever. "Because I am in love with you. I am in love with you!" He then logged off. Tears were streaming down my face. My friend who knew how I felt was also chatting with us and was shocked. I didn't know whether to be happy or what.
He didn't come online the rest of the night, nor did he call me. I spent the whole night pondering my thoughts and wondering what would happen next. "How could he be in love with me?" I thought, "He's gay. Very gay!"
The next day he came online and messaged me. I was very nervous. My friend had talked to him and told him that I probably told him that I slept with our friend because he had told me he had slept with a woman. So he asked me if that were the case. I told him that it was. He said that he didn't sleep with his female friend, that he just told me that because it was easier for him rather than just asking me how I felt about him. We vowed that this wouldn't go any further and ruin our friendship. It was very awkward when we were together for a few weeks, but after that wore off we became closer than ever.
I was having problems with my husband and spent the night at Steve's one night when we had got into a fight and he asked me to leave. We slept together in Steve's bed, but we were both clothed and it was very innocent. The sexual tension between us both was very noticeable though! We would flirt all the time.
Another night when my husband and I were fighting, I spent the night there again. This time Steve held me close while we slept. No one has ever held me like that. As we held each other, I knew that I loved him and would do anything if he were straight and we could be together. We woke up shortly and started talking. One thing led to another and we made love. I thought I would feel guilty for cheating on my husband, but I didn't.
I thought it was just a sexual thing because he had never kissed me. I never expected him to since he is gay and all. But a few nights ago we were dancing at a club when he finally kissed me.
It breaks my heart because he really is gay and it depresses me when he talks about other men. Who knows what the future will bring though. I have 2 children that he said he loves like his own. He wants me to leave my husband and move in with him. I know I can't do that, I know it would only complicate things. But all I can do is sit here and think about him, love him more than ever, and wait for the next time we kiss.