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      That awful feeling in my stomach

     




It's been 16 years years since I last saw this girl, a girl that I have thought about nearly everyday since.


I've been married for 16 years and everyday it's been that niggling feeling of, have I done the right thing. The story starts in 1982 I was single then I had come out of a broken relationship that ended painfully, but I had met some good friends and during the next 4 years we had great times, I saw this girl Marie around town in pubs and clubs, she was beautiful, it got to the stage were we would bump into each other and we would kiss and feel that electricity you get with a kiss, but I was in the middle of a relationship, with drink and total enjoyment I turned away from Marie because I didn't want any girls yet, Marie was my soul mate but I stupidly didn't know.


1986 I got engaged to my future wife. I new I was doing the wrong thing, it felt wrong but I was weak, I last saw Marie in Jan 1987 when we spoke and I told her I was marrying in march 1987 I said to her if she wanted to she could turn up at church and rescue me, that was last the last time I saw her again.


About 10 years later I was talking to Marie's sister in a pub one night and she told me how Marie had been devastated by what I had done, she had hit rock bottom but she had found love with someone else about 4 years ago, I tried to track down Marie about 7 years ago but l couldn't find her, I still need to find Marie or Maz as l called her, in the early 80s we had a name for each other 'wing nut' I still smile at that. I would love to still meet with Maz just to see how she is and say sorry, because I made that big mistake. I will never forgive myself for that painful feeling that I have in my stomach, it never goes.


I love u lots Maz always have and always will.


Peter

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