What is love? To many it is the unconditional bond between two people that cannot be broken.
I have never experienced love before in my life, not even for my parents. I mean, I love my parents but solely on the fact that they are my parents, and not because of their personalities and such. This all changed the moment I met this wonderful girl.
I had always been shy in school. Girls liked me but I never really talked to them because of my mentality that I was not good enough. I always kept to myself, always going straight home. I always thought I would end up alone. The first two years of high school were years of loneliness, despair and isolation. I had no best friend or anybody to share my deep thoughts and feelings. I was even thinking about ending my life completely because I knew that no one would even take notice when I left. The one thing that delayed my suicide was meeting this angel in Sunday school. Jessica was her name. I felt as though she was the person that I was meant for, even from the beginning. Something about her drew me to her. She had this luminous glow that attracted my heart. I felt so comfortable around her. Unfortunately the moment that I was going to ask her out, she told me about her boyfriend and how he is so nice and how she loves him. My heart broke at that moment. I still talked to her but I knew I had no chance with her.
The month before the end of my sophomore year I knew I had to do something about my body. I started working out at my school gym. At first I felt the same. After about 2 weeks I began to notice that girls in my class would stare at me. I wondered why all of a sudden they were paying attention to me. I looked in the mirror and knew that I had transformed my body into something wonderful. That summer my whole mentality changed. I looked at girls as a business. My whole summer was dedicated to plan out and execute how many girls I was going to get to fall in love with me. And because I had this new body, it was so easy. I had 3 girls at the same time. I felt like a GOD, with this power. I continued to increase my level of game with girls. Soon girls were fighting over me. I felt so good. But there was still something missing. I felt as though I needed a piece of someone’s heart that could undo this obsession and evilness that was beginning to invest itself upon my heart and soul.
Every time that I talked to Jessica my feelings for her grew deeper and deeper. I always thought to myself what her boyfriend had that I didn’t have. I felt unworthy. I wanted to forget about her so when one of my other friends told me I was cute and asked for my number I gave it. We began talking and I forced myself to like her. I figured I may grow to love her and then truly forget about Jessica. It was no use. Although I didn’t really know how love felt, I felt as though I loved her. I would only think about Jessica even when I hugged the other girl. Every time I thought about hher and how it would be great to be with her, her boyfriend blocked my dream. I decided to just be there for her and help her out. If I couldn’t be with her then I could at least be there as a friend.
At the beginning of my senior year, I was ready to leave my home. I wanted to get as far as I could away from here. I had nothing here for me. But I still had her on my mind. One day I decided to give her a call. I had never called her because I was afraid that she might think I liked her, which is ironic because I did like her. We began to talk more. I learned more about her life and how she was having some trouble with her boyfriend. She kept blaming herself for all the fights they had. In my mind she was a victim trapped in his web of persuasion and lies. Many times I just wanted to express to her how I had strong feelings for her. I just wanted to tell her to leave her troubles and come with me, that I would never maker her cry. But every time I tried it seemed as though she really loved him and was not interested in me. I felt lost and confused but remained strong.
This was my last year and I decided that if I was going to take a chance at love then it had better be now. So finally after 2 years of getting to know Jessica I finally told her. My heart was ready for rejection because I was ready to pack my bags and leave to the University of Miami. When the words “u know what angel, I have always liked u too” it was like the fairy tale came true. I wanted to burst out in tears at that very moment. It was as though a ray of light penetrated through my blackened heart and was there to show me the way. I admitted to her that I had never kissed a girl and she volunteered to be my first. I felt so special. And on Oct 5 fireworks exploded and this little boy who no one cared about and always thought would never find someone special, FELL in Love. I felt so nice with her. Every moment of every day just seemed like a sacred time, time of true happiness. Although my emotions told me to keep on going, my heart told me to stop. I knew it was not right for me to mess around with her while she was with her boyfriend. This is at the moment in life that I truly knew I loved this wonderful girl.
You know its true love when you decide to put heart and feelings aside and give up the best thing that has come in your life just to make that one girl happy. I was willing to give her up just to see her in happiness. So I told her that. I told her that I thought she should go with her boyfriend, you know, why waste 3 years of a relationship and flush it down the drain. I had to let her go. But as things turned out, one Sunday during Sunday school, she started to cry, telling me how she is very hurt and how everything is messed up. I told her I was there for her, for anything that she needed… hug, support, a helping hand. I love her and I just want to the best for her.
That day while we embraced in this momentous hug, her lips spelled out words that I thought I would never hear…”angel all I want is you. I want to be with you” My heart exploded. I couldn’t believe it. Even after I gave her up, it was as though she never left my side. I was scared because this was more than that little relationship I had before, this was something strong and real.
I didn’t know if I could offer her everything. I mean I never even kissed a girl before. Why would any girl, especially as beautiful as her who could get any guy better than me, want to stay with me. I was worried that I wasn’t ready for serious relationship, but like everything else so far in my life I took that chance. I wasn’t going to let someone who I truly loved get away from me. When she did break up with her boyfriend I was there for her, and when she told me that her parents didn’t want her to have a boyfriend at that moment I completely understood and respected their decision. I was willing to wait a thousand years. I told her that I would wait till she is ready because I loved her. She asked me why I was going to wait, why I didn’t just get a girl. I told her because all I wanted was u.
Ever since that day I have felt this love for her grow into something more beautiful than a garden of white roses. These are feelings which I never have felt before. For the first time in my life I can truly say that I am in complete happiness. She made me believe in myself, opened my eyes, and made me realize that its not always about me. I am truly blessed to have this angel by my side. This magnificent girl, the one that I can truly say that I want to marry when the time comes. Have a family with her. It's ironic because I always thought that I would never love somebody. She showed me true love and for that I cannot repay back. She is the world to me, the missing link to my soul, that soul mate which many say each of us have. Every time that I hold her hand or kiss her and stare deeply into her eyes, I still cannot believe that she is my girlfriend. That dream that I had became a reality and it's an indescribable feeling. I love u Jessica and I hope I will continue to make u happy sweetie because you are the reason for waking up in the morning, for going to school and making something of myself. You are my reason for living and for that I am truly grateful.
I LOVE YOU