How will I survive? That's the question that I keep pondering throughout my mind, probably for the past 6 or so weeks.
Travelling back in time to New Year's Day of 2003, I found myself more loved and in love than ever before. Waking up next to the guy I loved, I could just hear the song Good morning, Beautiful playing throughout my mind. I never wanted the day to end, as I lay in bed with the love of my life.
Yeah, I might be only eighteen, but the love that we had could never be matched. Almost together for three years, we shared so much. From losing our virginity to each other, to crying in each others arms, we had a connection that is unexplainable. Of course we had our differences, but we always came back to each other in the long run. But this time, it hasn't happened yet. We gave each other everything. I know I gave him my heart, mind, and body. Three extremely sacred things I couldn't imagine giving anyone else. Now I remain devastated from a loss so heavy, I feel like I lost a part of me.
Having a guy treat you like gold one day, then two days later, not treating you at all is probably the worst feeling in the world. Not hearing "I love you" or saying the three beautiful words is absolutely unbearable. In fact, we even had these routines of saying "I love you" before we could even attempt to go to bed. Whether it was on the phone or in person, I heard and said every night, "I love you. Sweet dreams. Goodnight. I love you." Now imagine how damaging it is to have something so important to you stripped away so quickly after being in love for so long.
My heart feels like it has been ripped to pieces. I know his heart feels the same way. Yet we have two different ways of thinking, such as he goes and dates someone else just to hurt me, but also to keep his mind off me. I know his heart aches, because I have seen it in his eyes. But the choices he makes aren't very careful. Yeah, this coming from the same guy that always said, "Your the first person I see when I wake up in the morning, and the last before I go to bed." Also he has said many, many times, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you're the only one for me." And I believed him!
Now I remain hurt from having my still beating heart ripped out of my chest and the feelings of pain going throughout my body. The only way I have survived is by having God in my life. Now I can only hope that the life I once had, the future plans that we shared, the love that we made comes back to us.
We were one of a kind. One thing is for sure, I will always love him, and I know he'll always love me. So please, in your prayers at night, ask for every person's heart that hurts to heal, and that everything will work out for the best.