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      The guy I still love so very much


When I first saw you and first looked into your eyes I felt something I had only felt very seldom before, it was a very special feeling, because I felt that you were a very special person. The only problem was, we were in a special relationship; you weren't meant to be with me, because you were much older and besides, you were my teacher. I did not want to care about all that because the only thing I felt for you was LOVE. When I looked into your eyes something gave me the feeling that you could think about it in the same way. But it should turn out to be that I was a fool to think.

I didn't know what to do about my feelings so I wrote to you, I behaved cowardly and didn't tell you my name, and I still don't know if you knew it was me from the beginning on.

You didn't answer my mail and I waited quite long, the only thing I thought during this time was you and how nice it would feel to hold you, sweet man, in my arms, just never let you go, because you were so special to me.

I was brave and walked up to you after lecture, I asked you if you didn't answer anonymous mails on principle, you simply said no, but you also told me, that we could delay 'it' until after the term. And this gave me hope, a lot of hope.

So I could do nothing but wait until the term would pass, and I was very anxious about it, but I was also really looking forward to it, because I really thought I loved you, and - I still think so-, I waited very patiently, and when the term had finally passed I wrote to you again because you gave me no signs that would have triggered of an action from my side to phone you or the like, so I simply sent another mail but this time with my name at its end.

You didn't write back straight away and this already made me tremble. But finally I received your mail, it said: I'm sorry I'm quite busy at the moment, and I don't think that it's principally a good idea to meet you outside university. I hope you can understand that.

Well, I really hope that I will understand it, one day...


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