This story is not easy to tell. It's hard enough for me is to accept the choices I make. Hope you will understand without making me explain what those lines really mean.
I've been living a lie my whole life. A lie that is sometimes really hard to keep, not only from people, but to myself. I'm in love with the wrong kind of love. A love that cannot be, that must not be, 'because it's forbidden. And this love is so intense, that burns all over inside me, making me explode into tears sometimes.
I'm alone at the time. No mate. Been that way for a while now. Cannot sustain a relationship with the kind of person that brings emotions that doesn't fulfil me. But keep dreaming, though. Every night I dream I find someone that's right. Someone to share myself with, someone to give my entire being to. Sometimes I even dream while I'm awake. Quite often, by the way.
I understand that it will never be possible to make my dream come true if I keep trying so hard to hide the truth from the rest of the world. But I'm really afraid of what might become of my life if I do. Nothing will be the same in many ways. Still, my heart keeps wishing to find someone who will find the truth in my eyes. Someone strong enough to help me out of this hole I dig for myself.
Sometime I even wish hope in my heart would die. My heart has been beaten hard through these years. It has been broken many times. It has been hurt, it has been whipped, it has bled. Still, keeps recovering every time, coming back, wanting harder every time, to find true love in life.
I wonder... will hope ever die? Will reality become one day stronger than illusion? Will I have to keep standing this endless suffering forever? Is it better to let hope die and keep going on, without thinking in love ever again?
Is it possible to live without love?
Please, can anyone help me? How can I get through the pain? How can I forget love, and dismiss the pleas of my heart for the rest of my life?
Life is not bad to me, except for it's lack of love. My family and friends give me their affection. But Love only goes one way ever since I can remember. Never been loved back by someone I truly love. So, that's why I'm alone. That's why I'll keep alone, wishing for a miracle from heaven, and for someone so special, that will find true love in my eyes.
I guess my hope will never die. I'll keep growing, because it keeps me alive. So I'll keep dreaming (Lucky me!, I'm a dreamer!) to find love, dreaming my love, and go on.
Thank you for reading. I needed to take this out of my chest. I need someone to hear me. So, I'm deeply thankful to all of you who read my story. This story is real, this is my story.