I came to know this certain guy named Jay last year on the eve of my birthday. He was the best friend of my Best friend's boyfriend I never thought that will be a good start. How he gave me that look, it just felt right, I felt so carefree. It simply started that way.
After a couple of weeks, we came to know each other better. We often had late and long talks. One month later we shared a promise that we'd love each other. And so it was - we became more than friends.
The big issue bugging in my mind is our ages. He was 18 at that time and I'm already 22. We have this three years age gap which I'm so afraid of. There are so many what ifs in my mind, so many hindrances, so many confusions. Will we survive?
I came to know him more on our first half month but at the second half I wasn't able to be with him. I left and went home to our province. I wasn't given a choice so I left. When I came back he was cold. I really don't know why. But still our relationship went through that struggle.I became strong... Whenever trials came into our way I tried all the possible patience I can give. I gave up my pride. I don't want to lose him. I'm saving the relationship no matter what happened. I was holding on... But it was so painful to hear somebody say that Jay is seeing another woman. I know I shouldn't believe them but I'm beginning to have my doubts. The feeling is so strong. I've heard so much of this not once, not twice but many times. The first time we talked and settled things down. I tried asking him on the second time but he didn't care to tell me the whole story. I really can't understand why He keeps on defending himself. He keeps on lying. I asked some friends if it was true. Three of them confirmed it. I was so hurt. I ended up feeling so stupid. I felt so alone.
Where did I go wrong? I was so honest to him. I loved him more than my life! I'm thankful God gave me such blessing in him. But what now? I never wanted this to happen in the first place but what can I do. If he doesn't love me anymore then so be it.
I need to have time for myself. I must accept the fact that even he himself doesn't have time for me. Is that a proof that he doesn't love me anymore? Time and time again I think of what has happened but I still end up crying and feeling lonely. Reminiscing all the happy moments we had and those not so good. Maybe its my fault. I loved him so much that I gave all I could give.
This is a lesson for everybody to learn, "Don't forget yourself when your in love. Somehow take time and give yourself the respect you need".
Our ninth month would have been February 1. I don't know what will happen. We have no formal break up! He calls me once a week but for a couple of minutes just to say, "Hi!". He texts me once in a blue moon.
I'm really so confused... How I wish everything will fall into its right place. I still love him, that won't change easily even though he has caused me so much pain.