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      The storm is over


It has been six months now, six months since you walked out of my life and never looked back. It has been six months since you took away everything you had promised to me. It has been six months since you broke my world in two.

It has been six long months of pain, self loathing, and grief but it has also been a time of self discovery and reflection.

At first I thought I would die without you. I could not comprehend how the world around me stayed the same when the centre of my universe had fallen out. How could people not see the heartache in my eyes? How could they not see the loneliness that enveloped me? I guess that was lesson number one: The world doesn't stop for anyone's heartbreak.

At first it was a fight to get up in the morning. Why would I want to get up to be reminded, over and over again, that you were gone. There was no one to sing to me as I put on make up, there was nobody to persuade me back into bed after a long warm shower - I was all alone.

I tried to convince myself that I was strong enough to face my darkest hour and I did a good job of it. I went to work and kept myself busy, but I was blank both inside and out. I was lost.

All I could do was replay our time together in my head, day and night, over and over. It was like watching my very own love story except I knew there was no happy ending.

It was hard coming to terms with my loss, accepting that it was not our time. It was a battle to stop blaming myself and to start believing in ME again but after I while I was able to see things with more clarity.

Like a child blinking back the tears after a tantrum, I was able to take a clear look around and see that although you were no longer in my life, I still had a life and people that loved me. I had people that cared for me in a way I had never known - they didn't push me or force me to 'get on with things', they let nature take its course and were waiting for me as the storm subsided. Those people were my friends and my family.

So, six months on, I wish I could tell you that I am thankful for the good times we had and I am honoured by the sacrifices you made for me but I did not deserve to be treated as you treated me. I loved you and deserved a lot more than you skulking off into the night like a naughty schoolboy. There are things I will never know and maybe I do not need to know, but there is one important thing I want you to know and that is from this moment on you are will only ever be someone I used to love.

The storm is over, and although I will think of you every time I see a rainbow, I am stronger than ever.


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