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      Whose mistake


Until four and half years ago, I thought that our relationship would have lasted forever.

We first met at a party in the hall of our college. It was the last term of my college life, near final examination; I was so worried about where I would be distributed after graduation. Anyway I felt very bored and could hardly concentrate on my last examination. He came to me and said, May I ask you to be my partner tonight? Since I was a bit lonely and bored, I followed him without any hesitation. I spent the night with him through the whole party. We only told our family name to each other and our majors at that time.

A few weeks later, we met again. I was walking in the garden in our college with my roommates on Thursday evening. He's so tall that it's easy to be recognized. He recognized me too and said hello to me first. Just a little later he asked me to go for a cinema on Saturday. Inexplicably I accepted his invitation. Love began unexpectedly at that time. He was so excellent and handsome, especially talkative. He majored in encephalopathy surgery. Since then I had a feeling I had never experienced. But I dared to admit my feeling and told myself it's impossible. I was only an ordinary girl who majored in nursing. The major is so inappreciable.

All of sudden I found myself out of control for the first time in my life. Yes, I never tried to look for him, but I never refused him. As long as he asked me to do anything, I followed him without any hesitation. Being with him, I felt that the time went so quickly. I enjoyed every moment being with him. We often were seen walking in the garden, dancing in the hall, eating in the dinning-room together. Everywhere had kept our footprint. Cupid must have seen us. The romance between us blossomed.

Time ran like a bullet. After graduation, unluckily I was distributed to a hospital which is near my hometown, a small city. He would continue studying in our college in the famous southern city Guangzhou. I thought our relationship would possibly end. I felt so sad but had no idea. I could not find a hospital to accept me in Guangzhou. I just accepted the arrangement of God. He tried his best to comfort me and assured that he would love me forever and said that no matter what happened, he'd never leave me alone.

I went to work in my hometown. We kept contact by letter and telephone. And if I had holidays I would go to Guangzhou to see him. Surprisingly I felt our love had grown stronger day by day. I never felt so comfortable and so happy. There was nothing could separate us.

With my old brother's help, I got a job in a joint venture company at a small city of Guangdong, we were closer. We both cheered for that good news. We met each other every weekend. We made a great plan that we would settle in Beijing where there is the most famous hospital in China and he would try to be an excellent encephalopathy surgeon in the hospital and I planned to find a job at company in Beijing someday. Meanwhile he taught me much of my English knowledge, unexpectedly I made much progress in English learning. We were so confident at ourselves and were preparing for our prosperous future. Perhaps I was too optimistic.

Now I believe he is my destiny. We lived happily those days, we were both eager for the weekend coming than usual. We made love every time we met. He kept telling me he would not love anyone else but me. And without my love he couldn't imagine what his life would be like.

Time passed by with the perfume of our love. He graduated and he had to leave me for Beijing for his dream. We had to be separated again, of course separated much further than before. We were all sad and cried. Our hearts were full of sadness. But I believed our love could last forever and encouraged him to go for his dream. He swore that he would love me forever and told me that we would be together forever.

He left for Beijing but kept calling me two or three times a week. For some unknown reason, he found a job in a military medicine publishing house and became an army man instead of getting the job in that famous hospital. His position took up too much of his time and it was never convenient to contact me. As a result, the internet became our fond friend. We wrote to each other at least three times a day. No matter where he was, even if there were no computers beside him, he would try to make at least an e-card for me in advance. I still remembered a day clearly when I was unhappy for making some big mistakes in my job, he sent me emails and invited me to chat in a chat room. (We had no ICQ and no other chatting tools at that time, so we seldom chatted but communicated via email). He kept telling me jokes to please me. He had no personal computer at that time, and the building where his office was located always closed at 11pm. In an early spring evening, Beijing is still so chilly at night. After he left his office, he thought I still needed to chat, so he kept looking for an internet bar to contact me. But few net bars opened in the middle of the night. Finally he found one it was past 1am and I had already left the chat room and was wandering in my beautiful dream. He sent me an email to tell me that. I could imagine what the funny scene it was. Him riding his old bike and wandering around Beijing streets just trying to find a net bar. I was so touched that I couldn't help myself crying. I hoped if I had had wings, I could have flew to him immediately and accompanied him forever.

As time passed by, I felt our love become stronger and stronger. And I thought it would never end. But the day came without any omen. He called me and brought me some very terrible news that I had never expected to hear. He told me that he was to marry another girl just in a month. I could not believe what I was hearing. My mind was blank. My lungs stop breathing. I told myself that I was in a terrible dream. It's not true, it would disappear after I woke up. But it's neither a dream nor a joke, it's the truth. I asked for reasons. He asked for my forgiveness, and told me an amazing story. About two months ago, he went to a party and got drunk. A girl sent him home. That girl loved him in secret way for a long time. He treated her as he treated me and made passionate love to her. The girl became pregnant. He said that, as a man, especially an army man, he had to be responsible for his mistake. He had to marry her even though he never loved her. He asked me to forgive him and said that he is still in love with me and the love would never change, and that no matter what happened, I am the best love of his. I did believe it. But what could I do? Beg him? I thought It's useless. Never think that you can draw a changed heart back or twist a mind. Nothing I could do but let him go and pray for them.

I could not believe the one I loved more than anyone could leave me alone forever. I could not believe how he could throw our dear love away so easily. How could he leave the beautiful flowers which we spread on our love journey behind? I wondered how he could tell me that just one day after he told me how much he loved me. Just the day before yesterday he told me that I was the only girl for him. How could he tell me that he would marry another girl? Did he forget what heart-warming words he said to me everyday? I did not believe that he wanted to leave me. I thought it's just Gods mistake. God needed him to take care for his great new creation. But how could God make such a big mistake?

We were separated for around four and half years. I met with many people during this time, but no one can touch my heart like he did. And every holiday, I still got his greeting ecard where he told me that he cared for me and thought of me. I believe what he said.

Now sitting here to tell the love story. I still can smell the fragrance of it. The smell is still so fresh, but it's over, just like a faded rose. It kept its fragrance but it would never be as beautiful as before. Thinking of it, it still brings me so much pain. I feel that God is a very naughty guy who always likes to play trick on his sons, or he's an irresponsible guy who always does his work wrongly.


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