I met the man I fell in love with over the internet. It all started in just a friendly game of pool. Then we started talking everyday, exchanged phone numbers, started talking on the phone every night for hours at a time. I got to where I could really trust him, it took months. We talked for about a month before the I love you's started coming out. I remember that day as if was just yesterday. He asked me if I loved him when we were talking on the phone. It took him a while to get me to say I love you. Then it just all happened, one day it came easy to say I love you.
He was telling me he loved me, we talked about a future together and everything was just going to be so perfect. We spent every single moment we had on the phone or computer. Then I decided I was going to meet him.
I was so nervous on the way. I took a friend with me. we rode a bus and it took three days to get there. I called him at every stop and reassured him how much I loved him. He came and picked us up at the bus station. That's the day I fell in love completely. It was love at first sight. I stayed with him for three weeks. Everything went well and I was so happy. But for some reason he never told me once he loved me the whole time I was there. The day I left was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
I cried the whole bus trip back home, non stop. My friend was getting real angry with me. I felt the day I walked out his door was the last day I was ever going to see him again. As things went on and I got back to my home, we still talked on the phone every night and computer, but I never once heard an I love you from him.
A few months later I was missing him so badly I asked if I could come back there for a few days. We made plans and this time I flew there alone. We shared 11 days together, I had the time of my life, I was so happy and in love. But still not once did he tell me he loved me.
The day I left he took me to the airport gave me a hug and of course I was crying. I didn't want to leave. I cried the whole trip home. Again I felt I will never see him again. I got home and for a few days we talked. Still not once did he ever say he loved me. As time went on the calls began to be shorter, computer time was cut in half. We would still talk on the computer everyday but after about 10 minutes he would say he had to go. Then all of a sudden, no phone calls and barely talking on computer.
Right now were at the point where no phone calls, and maybe talk twice a week on computer. It has torn me up so bad. I love this man with all my heart and soul. I would give him anything or be anything he needed. I hurt real bad. I find myself crying every night to sleep. It is hard for me to wake up in the mornings and continue on with my day. I miss him so much. I am so in love with him I can't go on. I have no interest in others at all. I think of him every moment of my life. But to tell you the truth I don't think I will ever see him again. I want to be with him. I want to share my life with him. But I believe he does not have the same interest in me. I have asked him if I was loosing him. He tells me, no way. He says I worry to much, but what does it sound like to you? It has been a almost a year now and I still have not yet heard him say I love you. I tell him all the time in emails and messages and letters I love him with all my heart. He never returns any of my emails. I tell him I love him, his reply is, thank you sweetie. It is tearing me up so bad inside. I truly love this man. How can I stop hurting inside? how can I just let go? I can't and don't want to let go.