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I met this attractive guy through a new friend. We met again after a week in our friends' house. He started to catch my attention by making smart conversations. Since then, we became close friends. He told me everything about him. Past, present, good and bad. I've never felt closer to anyone. He told me he's in love with me in only two weeks. At first, I didn't believe him. I thought he's just using me just to get over his ex-girlfriend who cheated on him. I've always been cautious with this kind of situation. I've seen my friends cry and suffer because of heartaches. I used to tell myself, "I'm happy the way I am, I don't need anyone in my life." But knowing everything about him, in and out, made me feel trusted and special.

Something inside me was saying I'm gonna be alright, I won't regret a thing. So we started dating. It's been the most wonderful and the happiest days in my life. He moved near to my apartment so we can see each other all the time. We had a stupid fight one night and he went out to get himself drunk. I came over to his apartment. He was lying on his bed crying. He told me he tried to kill himself when he found out his ex-girlfriend cheated on her. I got scared from then on. I have thoughts that I wouldn't be able to make him happy. But my love for him gave me courage to show him how much I love him. I gave him all of me. I didn't even spare a thing for myself. Even respect. We had a fight again one day. It was about a bad rumour about him. He blamed me that I was the one or one of my friend was spreading the rumour. He was saying how he felt betrayed by the person he trusted. Why would I betray him? I don't understand. Did he really trust me? I ran out of his apartment crying. Can't believe why he never trusted me. That night, I couldn't sleep. I was so much in pain. inside and out. So, I took all the sleeping pills and the pain relievers I could take. I woke up in the emergency room. I was so ashamed of myself.

He came over to visit me the next day, telling how sorry he was and saying it was his fault but he still loves me. Since it happened, I became afraid it would happen again and him leaving me. A month after it happened, he confessed me one thing. He said he's not strong enough to have a relationship yet. He told me that he tried to get back with his ex-girlfriend a week after cheating on him. I almost burst into tears while he was saying those words. I felt like I was used and betrayed. I know he's not over yet with his past relationship. He was saying how he missed his life before we met. His friends, his dog. He made me feel like I've been nothing to him but a piece of shit. The worst thing is when he said that he still loves me and nothing will change. Felt like I've been put on a 'lay away'. I wish I could be numb even for a day. This pain is too much for me to take. All the promises he made seems useless for me to hold on to.

Why do we believe! in promises? promises with no reassurance?


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