He came into my life like the first refreshing shower in Spring. His light penetrated into my darkness and enshrouded me in his loving embrace.
I was a girl without any care in the world. A goth. The black sheep. The rebellious student. The mischief maker.
He was perfection. God Mars incarnate. Skin like sun-warmed alabaster, the softest hair and most penetrating eyes. The genius at college. The guy all gals wanted to be seen with.
We met in the most unexpected way. I eyed him warily, immediately recognising him as the guy with the ego larger than the universe from school. And he... he looked back as if seeing me for the first time... looking through me and stripping through the layers of black clothing and awful make up.
The most improbable love sparked, and then bloomed. For three years we worshipped each other, each one of us changing for the love of the other. I started foregoing my tough image. He became kinder, more humble about himself. We went through tonnes of arguments, shed an infinite number of tears and yet we overcame all. We moved on, together. We loved.
One winters day, out of the blue, he slipped a diamond ring on my finger and asked him to be his forever. It was the happiest day of my life. It couldn't be true. It was all too perfect. These kind of things don't happen in real life, they only happen in fairy tales.
And then he changed. A few months were all that was needed. He started avoiding me, going out without me, working till late hours, studying alone in his room without ever phoning. Just before the final exams, we met. And it was the end.
At 5:00am, one dreary morning, 6 months ago, I lay on my knees in the middle of a road. Tears flowed unhindered down my face, my fists clenched at my sides. He mounted his Fireblade and sped off into the night.
We met by chance while chatting on the internet, exactly 3 months ago. He asked me to meet him in a couple of minutes time outside my house. He came and took me for a ride at breakneck speeds on his bike. We went to the seashore and made love. My heart clenched with happiness and relief: the pain was finally going to be over.
He got up, dusted down his clothes and handed me my own. Excused himself and said he hoped I did not feel used. He hoped that I would forget him and move on to someone better - someone who would deserve me more. Someone who loved me. For he did not any more.
He left. Again.
I ended at the psyche unit at hospital after having tried to take my life twice. I love him more than ever. I don't want to live without him. And I don't care if people say I should be the happiest girl in the world because I have everything one could possibly want - everyone is mistaken.
I don't care about good grades at school, I don't care about money, I don't care about good looks. All I care about is him and love.
Nothing else matters.
I miss you, my angel...