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      Lies and pain


It was a love that never should have been. I was married, he was single. Never has a man stood so tall to me before. I saw the sun and the moon in him. Our hearts were like magnets. I could not wait to feel the touch of his hands on my skin. The excitement grew each time we saw each other. I would rush to the door when he would come visiting on a cold snowy day and jump up in his arms kiss with great passion. My heart wanted him as much as my body did. I had never felt a love like this one before. It was to perfect something was bound to happen.
He made me believe that we were going to marry and live together forever.

The phone rang! My mistake that day, I answered it. It was another woman on the other end telling me that he was with another woman, for me to drive to his house and find out for myself. So I went on that long trip taking my mother with me. And there he was at the door grabbing me and hugging me telling me how he missed me and loved me. I walked in and saw another woman's shoes there, glasses and clothes. He told me they were some guys and his wife that was upstairs. But I knew better. I walked to the kitchen table as he went up and asked her not come down. The crushing pain of that moment. I took him home with me after feeling so low. And I really just wanted to walk away then and never look back. But he cried so hard I had not a choice.

Time went by and my marriage was falling apart but my love would not stop for this other man. Damn phone once again. I had to answer! Once again telling me to look in his e-mail where he was meeting another woman. Of course when I asked he denied it. Time and time again I would catch him in lie after lie. He knew I was married he told me he would wait. He could not wait more than a week. Shame on me for believing he really loved me as I love him.

I watched him grow more and more unsettled as days went by. I would make love to him and then watch him get dressed up and leave to meet another woman as once again he would lie to me. People near him would call me and tell me things to hurt me about him. Yes it was all to true he went with another woman to a football game with her husband there like it was a walk in the park. Then I found out he had taken a women to my mother's house while she was out of town. He lied so much to me. But yet the love was so deep for him, I must have been crazy, crazy in love.

Not a day goes by where a man doesn't want to talk to me or ask me out to dinner but they are not the man I wanted. I nod and sometimes say "yes" just to get over him.
His people are happy now he is away from me. They all used me and lied on me and to me. But never would I once speak out against them and tell any of them what they had told me. I would never tell the man I loved who betrayed him. The last straw was when he asked me to marry him. he said" I have to prove I love you even if you are married find a place lets get married next week". I decided I loved him enough I was going to take the plunge. I was calling places and kept out a few pennies from the bank to buy him a small wedding band with a special engraving that no one would know what it meant but he and I. The phone! that no good phone! It brought me so much sorrow. Now the most rushing of all. He was with his new girlfriend and seen shopping and all around town. And she was spending nights with him. He came up from his small town to see me once again. He didn't know I knew before he got here about him and her. I could not even look at him when he visited my dying step father in the hospital. I asked him to go away. I walked out and left him as he did my heart so many times before. Last call, he came to visit my mother and drove to my house. I knew about his girl friend and could not bare to look at him once again with all the pain I had inside. I had watched him lie to me far to many times. he would go to such extremes as to hit himself in the head and then pull a gun out as if he was going to kill himself. He rang the doorbell, I did not answer, he rang again. I could not answer, I froze and called his nephew told him how it was hurting me and how he was crying. Little did anyone know how I had been crying. I will never stop crying. Now he is in love with someone else. I always thought and hoped that somehow we would be together. But now there is no chance. So I sit here in my empty world looking out of this champagne glass and remember all the laughs, tears and the nights we spent sleeping holding each other.

I feel so used, hurt and laughed at. I sinned for love, he took me for lust.
Favourite quote he had" Just a matter of time". I guess it was just a matter of time.
So I moved on, and he is happy now his family says and he is content hating me.

Shame he can never know the truth.
It could have been good! NO it could have been great!


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