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      Love, Axel

     



I saw him the first time almost four years ago. He was sitting alone and looked incredibly bored. His eyes must have been the most beautiful sight my eyes had ever seen. I summed up the courage to speak to him and found myself mesmerized by his manners and good humour.


I was in a relationship at the time and so was he. He came from a Germany and I, America. So with these two obstacles against us, we had no foreseeable future together. I invited him to visit another city during his stay in my country. Of course my intentions were honourable and even had him stay in a different hotel. Despite the precautions, we fell in love. We were crazy, young and carefree. He would leave for his homeland in a matter of weeks but we continued to see each other. I lived on adrenaline that month. I could stay awake for days at a time because I thought I might never see him again.


A couple of weeks before he was scheduled to return to school in Germany; we decided that we could not be apart. I had already graduated college and he had a year left. The decision was made without much discussion. I would move to Europe. After knowing this person for 9 weeks, I moved near him. I packed my bags, bought a plane ticket and off I went. When I think back, I must have been nuts. I moved to a foreign country without really knowing this man. Most people would need more assurance in order to make such a life change. But, I knew it was right. How? It could have been the fact he picked up my driver's license and laughed when he saw we had the exact same birthday. Perhaps it was the shocked silence when we discovered our mothers had the same birthday. Could it have been the way we were when alone? No, it was because my actions made complete sense to me. I did not hesitate at the thought. Everything was clear and I was not afraid.


We spent a year together in Europe. We were happy together but I was sad when alone. I was sad because I did not feel he loved me near as much as I loved him. I did not look forward to much except when we were together. He was busy with school and we only saw each other on the weekend. I lived and worked in France so it was always a long journey by either train or car to see each other. His graduation was approaching and we had to decide the next step. Since I had spent time in his part of the world, he agreed to move back to mine.


Months after his graduation we lived together in the city where we had fallen in love. In this very city, we began to grow apart. He seemed distant and I felt as though he never gave me the same love or appreciation I had given to him. We did not communicate. We were too young to know how.


A year ago, he went back to Germany. We have seen each other once and made a million promises over the telephone. You see, we are still in love and an ocean apart. After a year, you would think we could go on with our lives. Nevertheless, we always find ourselves dialling those never forgotten telephone numbers.


I know, in my body, heart, and soul I will never share this feeling again. So what keeps me from packing my bag and buying a plane ticket? Four Words

.... Come home.... Love, Axel.

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