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      Our hearts are together but we can`t be


I met George when I was 18. We spent the happiest 7 years of our lives together. We were so compatible and in all that time we never tired of each other. It was always special. Unfortunately he was a different religion to me and his parents would not accept me. This placed some pressure on our relationship but we never let it come between us. When his father was dying the pressure became very much for him - I couldn't bear to see him so torn so only for this reason I left him.

In the last 10 years since we were apart I got engaged to someone after knowing him for 2-3 years. I didn't feel that it was definitely right so broke off the engagement after 6 months or so. I had a series of so-so relationships and then moved countries and got married to someone after knowing him for 6 months. We have now been together for 4.5 years. It hasn't been wonderful but it hasn't been terrible and I have had many depressed days where I feel that I am barely in survival mode - just getting through each day at a time. We have a 2 year old and another on the way, that is the light of my life.

Recently George and I got in touch with each other. He was coming to New York for business. For the 6 months before he came we e-mailed each other constantly. It was the first time in 10 years I really felt alive again. He came last week and spent a week here and we saw each other several times. It was like we had never even been apart. He also has a spouse with 2 kids - 5 and 7 years old - and his relationship is much like mine. We didn't cross the line in physically cheating on our spouses, but emotionally I guess we are. I am so much in love with George. We are so compatible. I believe we are soul-mates and are meant for each other. He has now gone back to South Africa and we are both going through so much heartache. We both feel exactly the same way. I don't know how to carry on living this empty unfulfilling life with my husband. He is a good person and I would feel so bad leaving him. Also, George and I both have kids that we would never want to leave so there doesn't seem to be a way we could be together.

I can't face the rest of my life, it is so empty. The sadness in my heart is unbearable. I have cried so many tears that I could fill a river, and the tears have left my heart as empty as a dried up dam. It feels like I have to move on and stop e-mailing / speaking to George and just make the most of things with my husband but I have no motivation to do this.

Help - I am besides myself with pain and grief.


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