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      When will he come?


I was in 10th grade back then. I had a crush on this really cute guy (as with all the girls in our school...). I was luckier than most of them because he was my friend but not lucky enough to be the one he liked.

We had known each other since we were in 5th grade and over the years, I grew to like him, not just a playmate, but something more. I knew I was too young to be involved in grown-up stuff, but I did it anyway. I knew I loved him.

So this so called love grew and grew over the years. But I just couldn't get him to like me. He likes me because we were friends, but I wasn't satisfied with that I wanted him to love me. All my feelings were just bottled up inside. I just couldn't let it out. I couldn't talk to my friends because I knew he liked my best friend. He told me. He said he loved her. He wanted me to hook them up together, since I was the one in between. I was their bridge, he said. That was all I am to him, a bridge. I almost lost hope. I was sinking in my own flood of emotions. But I thought, Hey, maybe all I have to do is just tell him I love him. That's just what I did. I told him. I faced him, stared into his eyes, prayed silently that he won't reject me, and told him. That was it. My problems will be over. Now that I've told him, he would finally say yes. I was so sure of myself. I was so sure of what he would say. All throughout our friendship, he would do or say things to me that only someone who's in love with someone would say. He would "seduce" me to sit on his lap. He would jokingly say "I love you" to me. We would watch movies at home and he would put his arm around me. Well, if that wasn't love, then what is? That's what I thought. I thought he loved me but that he was too shy to confide to me. So I made my move. I stared at him, looking deep into his eyes, trying to find the answer. But he was speechless. He didn't say anything. He just stood there staring at me. I couldn't say anything either beacause I was too scared of what he might do. I was too scared he'd leave me, that he would not be my friend anymore, that he would be too scared to talk to me. So we just stood there in silence. Then he broke it. He looked at his watch and said he had to go home. So he left, leaving me standing there, staring after him, looking like a jerk. I went home that day, tired, humiliated, torn apart. I felt I was too weak to sleep, too weak to eat, too weak to be alive. After all those years of secretly loving him, carefully hiding my feelings, I finally got it out... and he just left.

A week after that, I heard my friends had moved to another city. I knew it was because of me. I knew I had to let go of him even though my fantasy seemed so real. It's time to move on. I have to wait for the right guy for me. The one who will walk me down the aisle. The one who will love me for eternity.

So, when will he come?


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