Here I am on a Friday night sitting here with a lost feeling of love.
It started a year from today and some can say that they all have heard this before but I think you'll get a kick out of this..
Two weeks ago if you asked me who I wanted to be with the rest of my life I would of told you the only person I've ever loved the man who I gave my life for, lost many friends over, got into many fights for, I would of killed another female if she would have touched him, or at lest thought about it. And this week I'm trying to tell myself that I'm better off without ever meeting him.
I look around and everywhere I go it reminds me of him and yes it hurt more than I can put down in words but hey what can I say, fools always fall in love with other fools.
We were together for a year and we broke up because I need him to be there and he went off with his friends all day got messed up and called me at 12:30 at night when we had a date that day. We got into this big fight and he came to my house and we started yelling because I'm drunk and so is he and he started crying and he was sitting down on the floor and he hugged me and looked into my
eyes and said that he cant do it anymore, because this relationship this going nowhere and I started crying because he was right, but I didn't want to let go and I wanted him so badly but I held my head up high and told him to leave so I went to sleep thinking about him, dreaming about him and the phone rang and woke me up and I knew it was him calling to say sorry, but it wasn't, it was his sister and she told me that he didn't come home last night and didn't call so I got up and went to meet her at this coffee shop in town, we started to look for him, we looked everywhere and I remembered this girl he used to talk to when we would fight so I went over there and there was his car so I went to the door, rang the door bell and her sister opened it, she knew who I was and she knew why I was there. I walked in, went to her room, opened the door and there they were, laying on the bed together naked, they didn't see me. I didn't cry, I left and called his sister and told her he was fine and he'll be home later. She knew something was up but she didn't know what.
So it's about 10:00 and I had to go to work in a hour, crying crazy like I never have before and he came over, I let him in, not saying anything but just wondering why he's over here. He didn't know that I knew. That's the good part, the bad part is he wanted to make up. I asked him what he did last night and he said he had just gone home. God I wanted to kill him but, I'm still very much still in love with him. So I told him I knew what he really did, he got up and left and what was worst of all was that I could still smell her cheap 0.50 cent body spray on him it made me so sick I couldn't even go to work. I was so mad so I called his sister and asked if he has been at home yet, she said no so he didn't go home and shower he came right over here and lied to me, I was so mad I got into my car and started driving and I ended up at this lake where we use to go for the weekends!
I thought I was going to die and sometimes I still think I'm going to, he's called a few times but I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone. Is it really over? God only knows and he only knows how much I truly love him and the same goes for him but at the end of the day I think and wonder how many times he has ran to her and how many times has she helped him in her "way".
I miss him every moment of the day and my body feels like it's not the same without him. Somewhere in my heart I have hope.
So all wrapped up you need time to heal and think about you and the real story and what's really going on and sometimes you need to talk to people just to find that out. You can't help who you love but you can make them think your better off. You can't really think about things if you talk to that person all the time, it doesn't always work like that so when you take a "break" really take one and set some time aside for yourself, because a relationship is with two very different people and if you forget who you are then there's no point in being together. That's what went wrong in our perfect relationship, we forgot who we were and right now I'm finding that out. It's funny when you think about it, so next time he calls I just might pick it up..