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      Totally confused


My story begins 23 years ago. I started dating MJ in my senior year of high school. He was into drinking & drugs, but I was so in love!

After graduation he joined the Marines & went to California. That Christmas I flew to California to visit him. We had a great time & I flew home. Then in January I found out I was pregnant. He was in shock. I was going to have an abortion. I even had an appointment, but I couldn't do it. He said he needed time to have his wild days. He wanted me to give him 3 years to grow up. I got really pissed off & thought there was no way I was going to sit around with a baby While he was out screwing around. I told him to stay out of my life. I was going to raise my daughter on my own.

When she was born I never contacted him. I was miserable but stubborn. When she was 6 months old I met a nice guy at the bar. 5 months later we got married. He was in the service so I thought if I could get out of town & forget about MJ I would grow to love my new husband. It didn't work that way. We had 2 children but I never really loved him. We had nothing in common.

After 6 years I was in my hometown visiting & I looked up MJ. We met & he saw his daughter for the first time. We went out & made passionate love. He was married with no children. I knew there was an amazing connection but he didn't seem to want the responsibilities of children so I didn't ask. I left my hometown without saying goodbye. But when I got back to my husband I knew for sure I didn't love him & couldn't stay with him. I was going out getting drunk & screwing around. I met another guy BK who was a great guy. He was someone I wanted to share my life with. I have been happy for the most part for the last 12 years. He really is a great husband & father. We have 3 children. We live in a different state from where I went to high school so I never thought I would see MJ unless I went home.

Then last summer we went to a baseball game & there was MJ. We bumped right into each other. It was like getting struck by lightening!!! I mean instant attraction!!! Like wow! How could there still be something there. We had not seen each other for 14 years.

A mutual friend had told me a few years back that he was looking for me & his daughter but I told her I didn't want to talk to him. I was bound & determined to make my second marriage work. But in that single second when I looked in his eyes I knew that I was his forever!!! He must be my soulmate.

Now we have been talking 3 or 4 times a week & we have met up a few times. I don't really want to leave my husband & MJ is now married with 2 young children, but we have this thing that we don't know what to do.

Should we bury our feelings & stick it out for the sake of our spouses & children? Can we continue to talk on the phone & meet in secret whenever we can sneak away?

I am totally confused & don't know what to do.


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