I met Bryan when me and my best girl friend Christina went to a skychiefs baseball game, just for fun the 2 of us and my sister and her friend ran around the stadium saying "Hi bob!" to completely random people. (My sister and her friends idea; hey, we were having fun!) Well there was never a greater act of fate in my life than at that moment when he happened to be walking up the stairs to the top section of the stadium and we happened to be walking by that particular place. If the 4 of us girls had decided to stop and get french fries, to walk the other way or go back and actually watch the baseball game... Well, I'm so glad we didn't do those things. We called our "Hi bob!" and he said "Hi Susan!" He happened to humor us unlike the others so we went up and were a bit annoying, throwing popcorn at him and his friends.
It's kind of a long story but my friend Christina ended up deciding she "liked" him, and got his phone number and screen name. They dated for a month. I hung out with them sometimes and I always liked Bryan, just as a friend. I always noticed something between us when we caught each others glances, or when we laughed together. He was fun and I was disappointed at Christina when they broke up. But he stayed in my life. We started hanging out, and I found out later that he had a crush on me. But I was stuck on this other jerk that I had been dating who hurt me and Bryan helped me thru it. Eventually we saw more and more of each other, he started liking someone else by the time I realized he had feelings for me. There were some painful times: one time we were hanging out as just friends and I went to get out of the car when he brought me home. I suddenly realized that I didn't want to leave his car. I didn't even know why, but suddenly Ryan (the previous bf) didn't matter and all I wanted was to stay out with Bryan. That was when I first felt feelings for him, but I convinced myself I wanted Ryan and tried to push those feelings away.
Bryan and I stayed friends, got closer, pulled away, got closer, forced ourselves apart. I don't know why we decided we shouldn't kiss or hold each other; I think we were both afraid. But it ended up that every time we "forced feelings away" they came back. Finally after being his friend for 8 months I became his girlfriend. We were so incredibly happy together. I was a little insecure and he was so secure, that did cause problems between us. But nothing ever got in the way of us being so happy and blissful. He was my best friend and I realized I loved him. I told him and he felt the same way. He grew so enchanted, so happy with me it was hard to believe. He said magical incredible things to me; no one ever will treat me as well as he did. I know he did it because he was in love with me. I was so in love with him, too, I always reminded him. There were rough points, but nothing was ever enough for us to want to let go. There was too much friendship, love and magic between us. We had the best times together, went to concerts, camping, our proms, visiting colleges, to sports games, amusement parks and the zoo, we did everything together.
6 months later, in August, we were still so happy and had a great friendship and relationship. He's the type of person to live in the moment. Then in September he went off to college, an hour away. I didn't have my license and he didn't have his car with him. I was crushed when he left but held him so close to my heart nonetheless. I know I made things difficult, always being upset and missing him. He loves his college and his new friends. We still had great times together when I visited him and when he came home; the feelings and magic were still there. But we were apart a lot and I was too demanding. I wish I could take it back. We agreed to break up but as I found I did not really want that. I've been acting foolish lately and that doesn't make him want me back. He's been so wrapped up in college he's forgotten our wonderful love. It breaks my heart and I think about him everyday; wish for the sweet emails and phone calls I used to get but mostly I wish for the spring and summer and our wonderful months together back.
I'd give anything to go back in time a year, knowing I had February - September to look forward to, and knowing I could fix my mistakes. I love you, B.C.R. I know our bond is not broken; I know you still have that enormous love and admiration for me and for us together in your heart somewhere. I hope you find it again. I love you with all of me, you are still the best friend I've ever had. "you're falling out of reach, defying gravity, yeah. but I know you're out there, somewhere out there."
"did you know I've missed you? did you know I've missed you? god I've missed you."