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At the none too tender age of 34 a 17 year relationship with my wife ended in heartache.

Don't get me wrong, other than our three beautiful children the relationship had little going for it! She, my wife, Rachel finally found the courage that somehow eluded me and ended what would surely end. It broke my heart! I'm still ashamed some 4 years later at how badly I accepted our demise.

The sensitivity that I'd always considered a strength rapidly became an enemy and resulted in near complete mental collapse. Yet still I always believed that something that Rachel and I never found did in fact exist. I went in search of it! I never found it but eventually it found me. 2 years had passed since Rachel and I had parted. My mental health had improved and physically I'd peaked.

When Xan arrived so too did the realisation that I was right all along and that "Something" did in fact exist. Attractive though not beautiful, she was all and more than I ever dreamt of. We worked together day and night and slowly we discovered each other. I had never before and worry that I'll never again feel as I did for Xan. Despite the good that we found together Xan was never truly mine, it seemed always belonged to another and eventually she left. Another collapse befell me.

Nearly 2 years have passed and still she haunts me but god I was lucky to have known her.


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