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      How could I be so wrong

     



I was 26 years old, and somewhat experienced in love. I had loved and lost before, and thought I knew what it was all about.


But then I met my soul mate. I couldn't believe how happy and beautiful I felt. He made me feel so special, and I thought I was so lucky to have finally found him.
But what I have found is that Love is somewhat blind, and initially we might think the person is everything we want, and that is probably because we want him to be everything that we are looking for. So we ignore the faults, and the warning signs.


About 8 months into the relationship he was contacting his ex girlfriend. At the second year, he was still contacting his ex, and any other woman that would pay attention. At the third year, he was placing ads on the internet, and still contacting his ex.
Yet I still felt that incredible bond, and I could not let go.


I can't believe this is me. I was always such a strong person, and firmly believed no one would ever be able to swindle me, or use me. In so many ways, I have lost respect for myself, for letting myself get so deep and not seeing what was happening to me.


Three years later, it is finally over... my soul mate now tells me I have ruined his life, and that he has lost his happiness, and that I have sucked all his success. He blames me for not moving in with him, for not giving him everything he needed.
Yet I look back at least for the last 2 years or so, and all I see is heartache, and doom. Living life for him, constantly worried about his happiness and sacrificing my own. I was the one who was dragged down, I was the one who lost my spunk, and felt worthless. I was the one who gave so much, only to be given nothing in return.


I am not yet at the stage of giving advice. I am learning what it means to break-up with someone you sincerely cared about. I read so many sites, so many letters, so many advice columns... to try and make sense.


All I keep telling myself, is that I am searching for me again. Searching for the person who was confident and happy and beautiful, without a man having to tell her so.


I can only give a warning to those in bad relationships... you know you are in one, when you feel depressed and unloved.... realize that you have the ability to get out, and it is up to you to make the move. If you leave it, and let it just slide, you will end up not respecting yourself, or the relationship you were in. You will not be able to learn from your mistakes, because the hurt will overwhelm.


Heed the warning signs. open your eyes. Life is too short to live with sadness.

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