Well, everything was going good in my love life.
I FINALLY met a guy who cared about me the way I cared about him, so I thought.
Things weren't going the way I thought they would, I figured since he told me he had feelings for me, and I felt the same way towards him, I thought that it would all lead to a wonderful relationship with him... but NO, he just wanted to be friends. I was ok with it, as long as he was still in my life I didn't care. We talked every night, I thought that maybe he would soon realize that I was a good match for him. Well, one day we went out for a drive. We stopped somewhere for a little while, he held me in his arms, we just sat there and held each others hand, holding one another, it all felt so perfect, we both were a little unsure if we should kiss or not, finally, I turned his head towards mine..... I could see this HUGE grin on his face....... and he leaned in the rest of the way, and we kissed....n othing lustful, just sweet. I felt like everything that I was feeling and experiencing that night was going to last forever. But then I remembered...... he didn't want a commitment.
He took me home that night, called me, we talked as usual, talked about the kiss, he continued calling me every night. Then one night I mentioned I was moving to a different city, he seemed sad, REALLY sad, he told me he had to go and hung up. Then, as the days went by, somewhere along the line, things changed. He was different, I didn't know how though, it just was.
Later on, I said something that he admitted a month later to over-reacting to. That month of me knowing he was full of anger and such bitterness towards me it tore me apart, and I haven't been the same since.
I'm not the same happy person I always used to be, now I am the heartbroken lonely girl who cannot seem to get her mind off of the only person that ever mattered to her.
I realize I have to move on and forget about him, but it's so hard, no matter where I go and what I do I am always reminded of him. It's hard to get over and I am trying my best. It's not fair to the person next in line if every time I am with them I am thinking about someone else.
I wonder everyday whether he ever really cared about me. I wonder if all those days we spent together, all those countless hours we spent on the phone, even if we didn't talk, if it was just that comfort of him knowing that I was on the other line, that I was there for him to talk to if he needed, I wonder if that ever mattered. I was always there, and I guess he never really cared........ that's what it seems to me, I was a fool, and I am even more foolish to be wasting my heart on someone who doesn't want it, when there IS someone who does, I am just not so willing to give it up yet. I keep trying to tell my head to tell my heart to give up already, it's pointless to be wasting my time on this stupid thing they call "love."