The History Repeats
Firstly, I'd like to apologize for my english. I'll try to write correctly, but of course as a european whose mother language isn't english, you'll probably find some or maybe many mistakes. But try to forget them, it's the story which matters. :)
Let's start far way from the present. Somewhere in the 1960s. Far before I was born. Let's go into my grandmother's youth. She was happily in with one guy and the love was mutual. Perfect love. She meant the world to him and ohh yes he was the love of her life too. But they both lived in a difficult world. Many people were moving abroad from our country in that time. Mostly to USA and Canada, some to Australia and many just a few countries away - Britain, Scandinavia,...to find a perfect life, to live, to be appreciated. We are known as a good workers but in those time the only thing that matter was on which side you are. Are you with or against the system. And if choosed the second thing, it was better for you and your family to just move away. To find your happiness somewhere else. And there came a day when he told my granny that his family is moving to Canada. His family loved my grandmother and it was normal that they wanted for her to come with them. But she had her family here, this was her home and she just couldn't go with him. That was the end of her perfect love, the end of her dreams. He moved away, far away, thousand of miles away. After that my granny met my grandfather and that was the beginning suffering. Because of him her life was hard, painful, she was unhappy. He was a difficult man. Of course at the start he was great and everything, but shortly after their both sons were born he became a monster. When she became mentally ill, the only person that she speaked to was my father. Even when I came to see her (and I was her first grandchild) she didn't speak to me. But I know that she loved me, it were just those few months every couple of years whe she got ill that were difficult for her. But I loved her very much. She died a few years ago. And even today I am thinking about her all the time and tears came into my eyes right now when I'm writting this story and thinking about her. S
You probably think ok, where did this guy go? He was writting about one thing and now he is writting about something else. But I'm still here. When my grandmother passed away, we found in her closet a little box. It was hidden under her clothes. In this little box were some photos of different people. And thanks to notes on the other side of the photos we know that people on that photos are the man who was the love of her life and his family. (the man who moved to Canada). Yes just before he left, he gave those photos to my granny. And he even sent her some photos when he was already in Canada nad he wrote on one of them that he is missing her and that he would be very happy if she could come to Canada. But the most important fact was the box. It was a fairly new box with a year written on the first side. It looked like it was a box in which you get a wallet when you purchase a new one. And what did that year meant? It was a year when her perfect man moved moved away. And that box was just a couple of years old. So yes, even after all those years, just a few years before she died, she was thinking about him. About that perfect man, about the love of her life - love of her life litteraly, because she was thinking about him all of her life.
That is the reason why I believe in perfect love. I believe that every person has that one person somewhere on our planet - the perfect one. We all have him/her in our head. We know how would it looked like. But most of people doesn't find him/her. They don't even bother with finding them. They forget about that in person in their heads. And then they find a person for which they think that it is the perfect one. But in fact it is just a person who looks the most similar to the perfect person in their head. Hmmm...I tried to write it as simple as I can, but now when I read it - it is very complicated. But OK, I hope you'll understand it. That is my way of thinking, my way of seeing love.
I admit it, it is very complicated, specialy for my love life. Even when I do fall in love, I am always thinking about the perfect girl. Is this girl with who I am really the girl from my head. And it is always the same answer - SHE IS NOT.
And now let start with my story-why is the title of this story "The history repeats"?
....Three months ago.....
It was a perfect Thursday. Great weather, I finished with work and drove home. That was the last working day of the week for me. On friday I'll go with my two best friends on some ski resort in my country just a few miles away from my hometown to have the best "men's weekend". To ski, party, drink a lot of beer and hmm yes a little childish - to play some video games. LOL! Yes you read it right. We took our television and an xbox with us. Why? Because it is a man's weekend!!! :) :) :)
We booked a nice apartment near the ski slopes and a discotheque. Connected the TV and Xbox, put beer in the fridge and started the best weekend of our lifes.
On friday we were skiing almost the whole day and in the evening it was all about drinking beer and playing video games. On saturday it was almost the same, except there was a big party with some very popular group in the disco in that ski resort. So in the evening we started drinking and then the party began. The owner of the aparment opened a bar infront of the house so we joined some other people who were in the neighboring apartments and then we went tho the party together. Nothing special, we were all drunk nad having the best time.
We were dancing, drinking, having fun. I turned around and there she was. The perfect girl, with the most beautifull eyes I have ever seen, and her smile...ooh if I could describe that perfect smile. She had everything. In the moment when I saw her I knew it. She is that perfect girl, the girl from my dreams, the love of my life. I couldn't belive that I saw her. She really exists. I was i little drunk and that is the reason why I had no trouble and simpyl stepped to her. She looked at me, oooh those eyes, I looked her in the eyes and said to her: "I just want to tell you, that you are the most beautifull girl I have ever seen. She smiled, but didn't say anything back. I turned around and left back to my friends. I grabbed my best friend and pointed to her and I said to him - She is my miss perfect. She is my perfect girl. We turned around and continue with the party. There were a few times when I looked at her and she looked me back and we both smiled, nut that was all. Nothing else happened. if I'm honest, I wasn't even thinking about that, it was a great party and I was sticking to the plan to have the best man's weekend with my best friends. Later that night, when the party was ending it came a moment when my perfect girl was leaving the place and she walked passed me. I stopped her and in the same time when she looked at me I said: "Please don't look me with those eyes". She smiled once again and then she left. That was the last time I've seen her.
The next day when we sober up, we left the resort and drove back home. Somewhere in the middle of my drive back home I started to think about her. Who is she? Where is she from? Why didn't I stepped to her and try to talk to her? What's wrong with me? So many questions with no good answers.
A few days later some photos of that party were uploaded on the facebook. I looked through that photos and there she was. She looked even more perfect on the photo than she was in my memory. And what a happy day, she is even tagged on the photo. With no hesitation I just quickly pushed the button "Add a friend". :) She accepted. I wrote a message saying: "I am sorry if I looked slightly drunk and strange on Saturday, but I can tell you that I didn't lie about anything. :)" She wrote back: "Not a problem at all :)". So I asked her: "No problem for my behavior or my view of you?" She answered: "Both. :)" That were her last words to me, because I wrote back straightly from my heart:"You know there is only once in a lifetime(if ever) that you can see your dream girl and it felt right for me to tell you that".
Ohh I forgot to tell you, that she has a boyfriend. I saw that when she accepted my "friend" request on Facebook.
A few days later she posted a song to her FB page. The lyrics were shocking for me. It was like the singer was describing the night when we met. One part of the lyrics it's saying: "there was madness, to many people, everything crazy. And then one look hit my heart, changed my life..."And beside the link to that song she wrote a smile emoticon. I put that song on repeat. Is it meant for me or is it for her boyfriend, But why would it be for him? I don't know, and I will probably never knew. :(
I talked with my friend about it. And eve she as a girl thinks that it was meant to me. She said that every girl would be happy if someone would say the words to her which I said to my perfect girl. And she thinks that my perfect girl simply doesn't know what to do because she has a boyfriend. I don't know, I hope this would be true and that she is thinking about me as I am thinking about her every day from the moment when I first saw her.
We never takled again, month after that, she came to te town where I live at the moment (it is one of the biggest tourist destination in our country). And she posted a picture on her facebook. So I wrote to her: "Welcome to "the name of this city".:)" Later that day, a few hours after my message she read it and simply blocked me from her facebook. I was confused, sad, the whole world collapsed at me. What? What have I done wrond? I didn't write anything bad.
Maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was her boyfriend. He saw my message and he blocked me. They are together for some years so they are maybe using the same computer and they can see eachother facebook and other things. I don't know.
Two months have passed now. Nothing changed. I am thinking about her everyday, Every night before I go to sleep, I imagine some stories in my head how my life would be if I could be in her life. It would be perfect, I would do anything for her, trying to make her the happiest girl alive. Every day I would wake up and the first thing I would see would be her eyes, her smile, her face.
I know she is my perfect girl, my dream girl, the love of my life. I will think of her every day till the end of my life. Maybe you think that I am just thinking this way at the moment and I will forget her. But I am sure I won't. Why? It's simple, I found someone who is for me what that perfect guy was for my grandmother:
"The love I found and the love I just can't have!"
But on the other side I am happy, happy that I've seen that my pefect girl really exists (most of people don't). She is somewhere out there and not so far away from me. I hope she has a wonderful life, if not, I'll be here, waiting for her to the last day of my life.