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      To the One That Never Loved Me

     


To be honest, I really thought you loved me.



Maybe it was my fault for believing it all. All the lies, the "feelings," the adoring looks you always gave me. I don't know how you could do something so horrible to anyone, not just to me.



Your ex-girlfriend was the one who came to me about this. You lied about being depressed and not feeling well just to hang out with her because you still loved her and wanted her back. I mean the day before my birthday, really?



You couldn't have thought someone else for a second? "If I do this, what would be the outcome? Would anyone get hurt?" No. You only thought about yourself. You're right. You are an asshole. You are a jerk.  You are selfish.



I should of just took it as a sign when you told me, "you deserve better." But no, I tried to fight for us because I was gullible enough to think that you really had depression. I spent the whole day, the day before my birthday, crying in front of my friends because I couldn't be there to give you the support you needed because you kept pushing me away and telling me how I deserved better.



Then your ex-girlfriend told me you two spent that whole day together. She noticed your pictures of some other girl and realized I was that girl and got in touch with me. She asked if I was your current girlfriend because you guys broke up the same time we met. She asked if you were seeing anyone and you told her, "kind of not really." She asked if you had sex with me, and you denied that too.



I just don't understand why you did it, why you had to hurt her after being with her for two years. I tried to warn her because I told her you might pull something like with again. But she told me she still loves you. You say you still love her. Well, go ahead and be with her because I'm not stopping you.



When you wouldn't agree to meet up to talk, my first thought was of how much of a scumbag you were. All those memories, the fun and laughter we had, the "love" we shared. So when you said you rather talked on the phone, I took that as an opportunity to just let it out. Get some answers from you. Do you know how stupid I felt for telling you how I had a gut feeling that I was going to marry you?



We were at an art museum, because you love museums and we wanted to explore together. I walked ahead of you and you were taking pictures of all the artists' names and their portraits. I turned around and looked for you and you looked back at me with those eyes that I loved so much and walked towards me. But the look in your eyes were different. It was filled with pure love and admiration. And that's when it just suddenly came and hit me, "Oh my God, I'm going to marry this guy one day." It felt like no one else was in the room but us as you held your gaze and came over to kiss me.



So now, my heart is broken. I still don't understand how or why you had to do this and cause me so much pain. You basically ruined this thing called "love" for me. I honestly don't know what being in love means anymore because when the next guy comes along, and he shows me he actually wants to be serious with me, I will most likely push him away. I really hope I won't, but you're right, I do I deserve better. I don't know if I can love somebody too much but I feel like I just did, with you.



So take care of her, please, if she does decide to take you back. Don't ever do this again. I don't know what I did to deserve this but I really do wish you and her the best. I hate ending things on a bad note, like I told you, so love her the way I loved you.

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