I'm Charlotte, 18 years old and I live in The Hague, in the Netherlands.
When i first started the dutch equivalent of high school, a guy caught my eye. I didn't have any classes with him, but i still felt a strong attraction towards him. He was however, in my friend's class, so i got some information about him through her, i found out his name was Rutger, and that i would be having a lot of classes with him the next year.
We had all our classes together for the 2 following years, but nothing happened, except for my seemingly hopeless crush on him. I was too shy ti approach him, and even being near him made me break out in sweat. The few conversations we had were nice though, he was kind and funny, and whenever we did talk, my whole week was made. He sometimes stood up for me, if his best friend (who was continuously hitting on me) made a remark. I always had a feeling he looked after me.
The year after that, I barely had any classes with him, so my crush faded bit, I even had a boyfriend briefly. After that I got another 2 crushes, but that didn't go anywhere either. After my second crush moved to Santa Barbara, I lived a crushesless life for a while.
That same year, I had more classes with him, and we were going on a school trip to Rome that same year, it was a small group of about 25 kids, who all knew each other a bit. Me and Rutger both went on that trip, and before we went to Rome, we all hung out together one night, and that night we talked more than ever before, it still wasn't much, but it was a start.
A week later we went to Rome, and for most of the week, I didn't have much contact with him, because we both hang out with different groups of people, but on the last night, everybody got drunk, and I ended up sitting next to him and we drank a few beer together.
Sadly, after Rome, there wasn't much contact.
Then, a few months later, during summer break, my friend threw a party at her house, and to my surprise he showed up as well.
Then, out of the blue, a friend of mine said that Rutger was a bit into me too, i couldn't believe it, so i was very hesitant. My friend and one of his friends basically had to drag us both outside to get us to talk.
Then we started talking and it was so great, we talked for 3 hours straight, before he finally worked up the courage to just kiss me. I told him before that, that i'd rather not kiss him if he was planning on ditching me right after that, and he said he wouldn't do that to me. when he left, he said he would text me, but 2 days later, and I still hadn't received a message from him.
I was upset, but still held a little hope, so i decided to message him myself, the conversation was short, and at one point, he just never replied.
I was heartbroken and the worst part was that i couldn't even get over him, thats how deep my feelings for him were...
In the months that followed, nothing big happened, besides the fact that i was at a party once, where i heard that he was still into me, we barely had any contact then, and it was all very awkward to say the least.
I still wasn't over him, so i told my best guy friend about it, the two of them know each other, since they hang out with the same group of guys.
About a month or so after i told him, my school hosted its annual christmas dinner. I was talking to my guy friend, when suddenly he brought up Rutger again, he said that he wants to give it another shot, i couldn't believe my ears, but i saw no signs that it was true. My friend did tell me the next time i spoke to him, that Rutger texted him, asking how to start a conversation with me, without it being very weird and awkward.
4 days later, it was my birthday, and i got a very long text from him, explaining his behavior, he just didn't know how to deal with it. I knew for a fact that there were no other girls in his life ( I was the second girl he ever kissed, and the first one was when he was just 12 years old).
After that message, it went quiet for a few days again, and my friend got annoyed, so he made an excuse to get us both to a hallway at school alone, we were finally alone in person for once, and got to talk about it, we decided it was best if we spoke about it another time, but i went on holiday that night, so it had to be postponed.
When i got back from holiday, we agreed to meet up, and we talked about a lot of things, and finally also our feelings. we agreed to give us a shot, to see where we would end up.
The following months, we met up a couple of times, and sometimes talked on whatsapp and sent each other snapchats. But during our hangouts, there was zero intimacy, he didn't put his arm around me or anything, and we certainly didn't kiss.
even though the contact wasn't great, i still felt like we had a little something going on. But then, when we were both at a party, i heard that he told people he was scared to lead me on, and that he didn't know for sure what he wanted.
I felt heartbroken, and thought about cutting it off, but again, my love was too strong to let him go, i just couldn't do it, unless i heard him say it to me personally. But he never told me in person...
About a week or so later, he texted me, that he heard what happened at that party (i broke down crying) and that he was sorry he was so vague. we agreed to meet up to talk about it.
After that, it felt as if the air was different, it felt better, like i wasn't the only one putting in effort anymore. when we hung out, he told me he liked me more than any other girl and that he felt an attraction he had never felt before, so we agreed to not cut it off.
we met up a few more times after that, and it all felt abit more comfortable.
At one party we were both at, we hung out the whole night together, there was no awkwardness, and it seemed as if we were both more interested in having a good time with each other, than the gossip that would spread about us (which usually was the case before). He even biked me home and we hung out in front of my house, in my head it again felt as if things were so much different than a month before..
Then, after exams, a lot of people from my school went on vacation to the same place, Hersonnisos in Greece, me and Rutger included. This place is known to be a party place.
He left for Greece a day before i did, and i was anxious if he would try to get with other girls while he was there...
When i got there, the guys he was sharing a hotel room with, came up to me and said they had a plan to get me and Rutger together. But then, later that evening, i heard some strange rumor that Rutger was hooking up with another girl, i was devastated and locked myself in my room, that was until i spoke with the girl he allegedly hooked up with and she told me all they did was talk, they even talked about me, and that she felt no attraction towards him at all. after that i spoke with his friend for 5 and he told me rutger told him a week before all this that he was really into me, and that he wouldn't do anything like this.
I felt a little bit better, so i joined my friends when they headed downtown to party.
While partying, i suddenly get dragged to Rutger, who was outside.
He pulled my by my arm and told me 'you and i need to talk' and we talked, he told me nothing had happened, that he literally counted down the hours till i would arrive and that he thinks im so wonderful and attractive and that he feels something he never felt before when hes with me. We kissed after that and that week, we almost only had eyes for each other, not always during the day, but in the night, we would always find each other.
We got matching henna tattoos and he wasn't shy to show affection in public, even though there were a lot of people we both know.
I was anxious that things would change when we got back to Holland, that Greece was just a one time thing and that it was all to kill time.
Luckily it wasn't.
Greece now is a month ago, and we still see each other frequently, i have met his parents, and we act like a couple all the time, now im only waiting for him to officially ask me to be his girlfriend.
As you can see, for me, it was all worth the wait. I feel at ease with him, i can be 100% myself and not feel ashamed, he's proud to have me and we just get each other.
It might not have been love at the first sight for him, but it's definetely love now