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      July 4th 2012


On July 1st 2012, I decided to go to a bonfire at the ocean with a friend of mine from high school. She ended up having her cousins visiting for a few days like they have done since they were little girls. I instantly was attracted to the older of the two girls and wanted nothing but to get to know more about her over the course of the night. She ended up being really compatible, and just one of those people you start to enjoy being around and know you'll be a bit upset when you're away from them. We agreed to hangout the next night where we felt comfortable enough to leave the group and walk down the beach towards the cliff and just share stories about each other. As we walked away from the bonfire I decided it would be fun to climb the lifeguard stand with her, where it was apparent I could tease her about being afraid considering I was a lifeguard and was used to constantly climbing up the stand. She gave me such cutest glare when i made fun of her, and to this day I can replicate that look she gave me, and a feeling that tingles my whole body still occurs when I think about her looking at me. We made it to the top of the stand where we ended up kissing and getting a little more serious about this whole thing. It was a bummer that I found out I had to work at night and couldn't spend the night at the beach with her anymore. But I was off from my day job so I spent the day (where I work as a lifeguard) at the beach with her. It was a relaxing and enjoyable day, but it felt a bit odd because we weren't as used to seeing each other during the day yet.

I found out that she was leaving the day after the 4th of July, which sort of upset me even though I only knew her for a few days. So I knew I had to make this day last. So we planned to get together with a couple of drinks and watch the fireworks. We met up that night and dug the bonfire pit and started a fire with a few other friends and family of ours, we quickly wanted to walk away and be alone talking some more to get to know each other better, so we walked way down the beach towards the peak of the cliffs, in such a beautiful spot. The moon was full and bright orange, with very fast moving clouds above, the wind was blowing at a medium rate, but it was warm so it didn't bother us. We could see the bright relfection of the moon shining on the water with the lights from the boats in the distance. All of the sudden I felt a raindrop and she said she felt it too, and just as that happened we heard thunder and saw lightning, so we hurried back towards the bonfire and then to my car very worried we were going to get struck by lightning. Just before we got back to the car in started to pour and we made it just before it got to the worst of the rain. We got inside and started laughing at the mess we got caught it.

After a little bit of drying off and warming up we decieded to show each other pictures from our phones showing life events and etc. Where I all of the sudden had this unblieveable feeling of warmth coming from her. I knew I was on the edge of being in love after a few short days with her. The rain stopped not too long after and we walked back out on the empty beach and started to tease each other. We ended up wrestling each other to the ground and started making out for a long, long time. Her cousin called her in the middle of that and told her she needed to get home soon. So I we all met up and I drove her back to where she was staying. When I pulled up I got out of the car with her and I asked her when she was coming back. She said not until the middle of august. And I asked her if she would promise to wait. She agreed without question and I gave her a kiss goodbye. I was in love, and so was she.

Every single night we called each other for atleast 2 hours talking about the amazing 4 days we had together and simply getting to know each other more. Eventually a month and a half passed and it was the day that she was coming back out. all of my co-workers could tell I had something big planned. That night came and as soon as I saw her I gave her a hug that lasted about 20 seconds. I was ecstatic to see her again. I invited her to the same beach we were spending our time at where I had a clever plan. I asked to take her cell phone to add my new phone number into her cell (Which i didnt have a new number) but what I did was change my contact name to: "Will you be my girlfriend?" And ended up calling her. The funny thing was that her phone died right as I called her so I explained what I was trying to do. She thought it was hillarious that, that happened, but also she grew a huge happy smile and said YES.

We spent the rest of our short time together but then went our seperate ways again (still in a relationship) but she started her senior year of high school, and I went into my sophomore year of college. We didnt see each other much but ended up calling and visiting around once a month for a few days when we could. I met her family, and she met mine, she visited my apartment in the city, and I visited her house. Life was good... When we saw each other. We came up with tons of inside jokes that only her and I would ever understand.

As time went on in our relationship, we started to question how the lack of physically seeing each other was harming our relationship. and thats when things started to go wrong. I became depressed about Im still not even sure what, and she tried her best to help me through it. But all else failed and I ended up dropping out of college.. but of course that didn't go well so my parents forced me to apply to another school. So I did. And I went to a school a lot closer to her. We were able to visit each other a lot more that year because we were both in college (an hour apart) but better than the 3 hours we were before that. And started to really develop our relationship... Fighting became a thing, talking about our future, talking about marriage, houses, jobs... It was real. and I couldnt be happier to spend it with her.

As 2014 came around things just started to not feel right, my depression was coming back, she was getting really annoyed that nothing could help me, and she noticed it starting to depress her as well.

One night she told me about these two guy friends she met that she wanted me to meet... Which I thought was weird but I ended up meeting them, and they just ended up hitting on her infront of me... I immediatly held her tighter and closer than I ever did before, and made up an excuse for why we had to leave. We got into a huge arguement and all she said was theyre just friends.. nothing else..

Months later she mentions possibly going on a break, which made me teary eyed just thinking about. she invited me to pizza where she said. "I want to go on a break" and I agreed, thinking maybe we need it. And we ended up slowly just not talking at all anymore.

I can't believe it went from this love-story to me losing the only girl I can say I fell for.

Since april of 2014 (When we broke up) I still dream about her vividly (Dreams about us growing old together, owning a house.. .etc...), think about her every single day. morning, night and inbetween...

The dreams make me wonder if she thinks the same way but is afraid to get back in contact with me...

All I know is that I would do anything to have her back.. and I would do EVERYTHING to keep her in my life.

July 4th 2014 - April 14th 2014


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