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      It don't breakeven


I'm a normal 17-year-old girl who lives in a christian community. Unlike other places, making out is such a huge problem that no one should do. I know that and i made a promise to myself, to only kiss someone on my wedding. However, I experienced love for the very first time and it only took a while for me to realize how naive i am.

One day i was an innocent child and the next day i had my first kiss with my boyfriend. I have to admit that it is a pure bliss. It made me attached to him in so many ways that i couldn't forget about him. As time goes on, the kissing got more intense and my boyfriend started to touch me in different places that i never knew before. Don't get me wrong, he is not a perv since he got extremely guilty every time he does that. He is a very religious guy but i guess his hormones got the best of him.

The weird thing is, i don't feel as guilty as he is. I still want him to kiss me and to hold me, but he just didn't want to do it anymore. It went down hill from that moment. I feel empty and lonely, I miss kissing him and i miss our intimacy. Well guess what, this innocent girl is not as innocent as she taught to be. I am sad with the fact that we aren't as close, and with the fact that he is going overseas to study in the next view days.

I know that he doesn't feel comfortable with me anymore, he didn't want to hangout with me or even touch me. And the worst part is, when i asked him weather he is still in love with me,he simply said that he doesn't want to end it because he felt guilty. He felt bad because he 'exploited' me when i didn't feel that way at all. He felt like he had done a great sin and in order to feel better he stayed away from me.

So i decided that i am the one who should end it, i just didn't want him to suffer. I cried every day for the past week and i hate it.

Right now, i still love him and i miss him. But what saddens me more is the fact that he is doing just fine living without me. I guess when a relationship ends, the pain and suffering that one felt, is not as hurtful than the other.

Goodbye love :')


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