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      Pain of loving


I fell in love with a man I worked with.

Everyday I saw him and spoke with him: I grew to adore him, his every move, his every word, his every suggestion. I breathed him, my heart ached for him, and my body craved him. He was married and a philander at that; I too was married. Still I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop my thoughts, my feelings and my desire.

We had an affair, if you could call it that. I was racked with guilt; I knew he wasn't a man you could leave home for, and ironically, I did not want to. I have seen him on and off for the last 6 years, although the last two I have resisted, although we still remain in contact.

How is it possible to love someone so much, but for it to cause you so much pain. I nearly had a breakdown because of this man, the intensity of my feelings still overwhelms me.

I remain married to a beautiful man who adores me. But I cannot deny or leave behind this other man, will it ever cease? Perhaps when I die. What does it mean?


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