She had never believed in love at first sight or that love could be gray. She filled her heads with thoughts and fantasies of the future and convinced herself in to love that was unreal and had let go of the love that was meaningful. She was not perfect by any means, but knew what love meant and was supposed to be. The first time she spoke to them they were standing knee deep in the ocean, talking to friends, laughing with beers in their hands. It was a Friday night. She felt immediately attracted to him. She felt somehting different, something she had never felt before. He is tall with blonde hair, handsome, with a nice smile.and he also just so happens to be a marine. He is perfect. That’s all she could think. She had to see him again. And again. And again.
The first time she had ever seen her boyfriend, he was carrying a guitar. He is also handsome with dark hair and deep, hazel eyes. She never imagined he would be hers. He seemed unnattainable. There were different occasions when she spoke to him . His words were soft and kind. He had the personality that every girl dreams of. He has everything that would make a good husband and lover, but was it love? That she wasn’t sure of.
The next time she saw him was at the beach again. The sun had set and the tide was low. He held her hand as they stepped down the rocks to their own little private part of the beach. His hand was rough underneath each finger. The tide crashed against rocks as they each opened a beer. He ran in to the water, begging her to come out. Every thing inside of her wanted so much to let go, to strip dpwn, and get in to the water with him. It was only the second time they had talked and she was crazy about him. They sat on a large rock, listening to music that reminded her of home, and talked about everything under the stars, literally. Something about him was so real, so honest, so experienced and yet new. She rested her head against his shoulder. At that moment her stomach turned. And every morning and every lonely moment since then, her stomach turned when she thought about him. She dug her toes in to the wet, salty sand and enjoyed that moment. It was refreshing and memorable. They packed up their things to head back when he looked at her. He was looking at her the way no one had ever looked at her before. “I want to kiss you”. It felt so unreal and right, but she couldn’t. She made the one of the biggest mistakes in her life and kept walking past him.
It’s hard to be honest with ourselves sometimes. She started growing closer to her boyfriend and at the same time began a blossoming friendship with boy number two. She was crazy about him and thought about him a lot. She missed him during the day, and things kind of just started to fall together. She never saw herself as a bad person or a cheater. She laid in bed with him and watched movies at night. She begged for him to stay and cuddle with her. She loved his warmth. She slowly started noticing that she was beginning to love everything about him. Her feelings were so confused. Her gut was telling her one thing, and yet, she chose another.
“you’re perfect for eachother.” People started to notice the connection between them. He had a way of making her laugh. They fought. They smiled. Maybe he was right. Maybe they WERE perfect for each other. Between pillow fights and late night talks she grew so close to him.
She wondered what was pulling her away. Was she subcontiously scared that she wouldn’t have the security she had then? Was she scared that it wasn’t real love and that she would miss out? She couldn’t help but think that w=she was making the wrong choice. Sometimes she felt sad, and sometimes she felt happy.
She became convinced that her relationship was over and that he was the right choice. That night he came to her room and they made love. It was caring and passionate. He kissed her and she loved the way his lips felt against hers. She loved the way his fingers touched her and his arms embraced her. She loved everything. It was clear then that she loved him.
And yet in the morning, her boyfriend knew all of the right things to say. She went back to him.
That next day she received a message, “You say that you are a good person, and you’re not”. She had chosen and he was right. Nights passed and she thought about him during her moments alone, her moments in crowds, in her moments ; every moment. He told her not to talk to her and she shed one tear. That was that. She still loves him.