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      Thoughts

     


Its times like these that I remember. Most of the time I forget; put a smile on. I distract myself to the point that I can almost feel my problems erasing, however only momentarily. Its almost as if Iím living a double life. I smile and laugh and act as if I donít have a single worry in the world. But when I sit alone, just me and my thoughts, I remember. I remember all the pain that ive gone through. All the people that hurt me. All the sincere apologies Iíve never received. All the feelings that were never recognized. Its almost as if ive made it all up, that the problems were never there in the first place and I have no reason to be upset. But in the end its that burning in your chest, the feeling of emptiness, that hole in your heart that prove the fact that these things actually happened. Because you see, your thoughts are a dangerous place. A whole other world that only you have access to. A place where simple things become complex. Where the idea of hatred, for yourself or others, either intensifies or diminishes. It is there that thoughts of suicide, envy, revenge, respect and love are contemplated. It is the final destination before one acts on these feelings or urges. A place where you question your very existence. And because of that, I try and stay away from my thoughts.

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