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      First heartbreaks

     


I met a guy that i loved so much that it actually hurts me to the bone. this guy is everything that i hoped for in my fifteen years life.



this guy is a football player, a jerk and a player but also a bestfriend of mine that i care dearly until this very day.



the break up was very rough. just dont ask. it gets to the point where all of my best friends hates him. and they cant stand it when someone mention my ex name. he's just that awful.



but somehow from the very first time, i feel connected to him. I know that he's not a bad person at all, he's just a little lost. he needs someone who can deal with him all the time and never get tired. someone who will make him realize that love is a wonderful thing. deep down inside, i still have hope for him and still am even after the break ups.



I was mad for a really long time. i was hating a lot. but i am not a hater. i dont hate him. i wish i do but i dont.



the first thing that i was trying to do is forgive

but its so damn hard for me.



but then it hits me somehow at 11 pm about 2 months after the break up that i feel somehow relief



i was listening to everything has changed by taylor and ed sheeran and i just somehow all of the sudden, my burden that was heavy and painful..... gone.



vanished. somehow. i was smilling like crazy because i can feel that i'm finally letting him go. it was scary. very. but i can feel it. slowly but sure.



I already forgive me long gone before i realized it.

I forgive him the second after our break ups.



but i wasnt ready to let him go. i'm still somehow attached to him very hard and i'm scared if i'm really giving up without any hope in my head or heart, i would fall apart.



but i survived. so you should too.



xoxo

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