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      An artist's & her muse..

     


we first locked eyes at the place of my work..a mom&pop country store.it was a hot day in the middle of summer& you know, it was my first instinct not to give even the slightest bit of attention or interest to the man who walked in,sat down at a table&proceeded to blatently stare at me.i ignored this..completely.he left eventually,& i didnt think on him again.of course,weeks later he returned&this time i observed him a little closer.what a speciman of man,honestly,i didnt know it until i layed my eyes on him,but at that moment i realized my idea of the perfect man had materialized.though i never showed this.brown hair,brown eyes,tanned brown skin=the brown eyed handsome man. this is in no way some clique story of the older man&younger girl.yes he is twenty yrs my senior,i found out later..anyhow,that day he asked me if i would consider "it"..or think about "it"..so i confronted him about the ring he was wearing.& told him i respect the women that that ring represents..he didnt come back for a very long time,nine or ten months maybe.but in that time he would come into mind.i began to have dreams of him,always peaceful&warm.in waking life these dreams disturbed me,why was i dreaming of this stranger&having such feeling of contentment from them.still no sign of him,and no stoppin the dreams i began to use those confusing feelings toward my art.the only healthy way to use the energy spent thinkin of him.my art was full again,i created more&better than i had in years.he brought me back to life.my inspiration,my muse,& somehow my love.how do you develop a love for a stranger.im not a child and most of my ideals have been broke down by the adulthood of life.i wasnt in love with idea of loving him,or for what he brought out in me.i just loved him,i wanted to do anything tohelp him with whatever he nneded in life.in anyway,i just wanted to somehow make his life easier to be a part of it.like the quote in charles dickens great expectations-i loved him against hope,against reason,against happiness,against peace..&knowing this didnt keep me from loving anyless.this has gone on for five years now.he does come to see me or call from time to time,to see how im doing,but why really? we both know our realities.he admitted he loved me,but only once.we cant be together now,and i cant hope for the future all i know is that the love i hold is everlasting&true.my muse will haunt me.i havent even explained the dreams. they continued,but over the years became premonitions,so strange why would i have warning dreams of just seeing him.i dont know anymore.my soul is pained.everyday he is on my mind somehow.i love you muse.

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